The Soap Box
A place for me to dump my brain and you to pick thru it

Time is Cruel
12:05am

Man, Deborah Norville has really let herself go!

(feefed from Google News)

Bah!
9:18am

Why is it so hard to find people that are competent at their jobs in the US? Do Americans not care? Is it the Peter Principle? Someone please tell me before I go postal!

Blame Canada!
12:02pm

Thank goodness for our neighbor to the north! They are so convenient as a scapegoat. If you recall, we first blamed Canada for that massive blackout in the Northeast. until it was proven otherwise. How many of you remember reading the news report that the blackout actually started in Ohio? Nobody? That's because it's more convenient to blame Canada!

This morning it is reported that the cow found in the US with Mad Cow disease was originally from Canada! Oh wait, it is only a tentative finding...uh huh...because it's convenient to blame Canada!

Some of you might remember around 24 years ago, Canada saved our bacon by smuggling Americans out of Iran during the hostage crisis. Then Canada was the coolest place! They were our savior, our brothers in arms, who we owed a debt of gratitude that could never fully be paid.

Well, those days are gone. Now it's open season on Canada. Phew! I mean if it weren't, who would we blame for everything? I mean, there's NO WAY we are responsible for a mad cow!

It's a Sign
8:43pm

J Lo has twice left or lost her huge pink diamond given to her by fiance Ben Affleck. The first time is when it fell down the drain of a restaurant when she took it off to wash her hands. Most recently, she left it next to a sink in a Manhattan hotel and actually checked out of the hotel before she remembered the ring. DERRR. I'm telling ya, it's a sign that they should NOT get married. In fact, Ben, if you're reading this, run...RUN AWAY! AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

Merry Christmas To You Too, Kitties!
11:46am

So, last night I go to let one of the kitties in and she came bombarding toward the door. She was in the house before I noticed the rodent tail dangling from her mouth. DAMMIT! "Please let it be dead, please let it be dead" I prayed. I just imagined an injured live mouse running around the house, escaping under a piece of furniture to die. The other image that flashed in my mind simultaneously was having to pick up organs and clean mouse blood out of the carpet.

My fears went unfounded however. It turns out that Calliope had only brought in half the mouse...the back half. She then proceeded to eat it right in front of me...

*CRUNCH*

*CRUNCH*

*CRUNCH*

Eww, eww, EWW! I turned up the Christmas carols playing on the iTunes radio station using my brandie new JBC Creature speakers (which are the coolest things ever!) and kept saying "I can't hear you I can't hear you I can't hear YOU!" As soon as she finished her fresh rodent snack (so fresh that rigor mortis hadn't set in) she went over to the cat food bowl and just kept on eating! What's up with that? One mouse a cat dinner does not make?

I went back to wrapping presents when Damien decided he would help me. He's a REALLY big help...making a mess! Now everyone's presents have cat spittle on them. Shhh...don't tell them, ok?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Gift Idea
10:07pm

For all the Texans on your list, get them the new Texas Palm Pilot v 1.1. I hear they're going cheap!

Christmas Miracle
5:46pm

Santa somehow found out that I'm at home, not in Utah and delivered various packages to me today! Woohoo! And I have a nice warm dinner thanks to the kind people of Domino's who are delivering until midnight tonight! (What a suck job that's gotta be.)

I am, rarely, a typical woman. I had a coupon for 25% off one item at Barnes & Noble so I actually got out of bed and even showered before heading down to the mall TONIGHT on Christmas eve to pick up the 1st season of Futurama on DVD. For myself. So there. And the strangest thing is that I actually feel better after going out than I did when I woke up from my nap! Maybe the flu is on its way out!

One of the gifties from Santa today was Kiki's Delivery Service, a movie by the same guy who did Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro (I LOVE Totoro! If you haven't seen it, you really should. It's very sweet and appropriate for all ages. Nothing scary and no body parts being sliced off or anything.) So I'm gonna curl up with my pizza and my movie and have a good old time.

Thanks to fellow bloggers for your holiday wishes. I hope you all have a great holiday.

YAY YAY YAY!
4:55pm

My computer is back and they didn't wipe the hard drive! Woohoo!! I'm so happy! On top of that, my wonderful husband paid for the Mini Maids (like Merry Maids but cheaper and without the 'tude) to clean the house! Ah, I LOVE having a clean house without having to actually do it. Now, if only this flu would pass...

Poor Matrix
12:39pm

While it's obvious that Matrix Revolutions was not going to win any Oscar nominations for acting, it was not obvious that said movie would be snubbed for special effects! But it was. No kudos for the battle scene in Zion. No "wow! nice job!" for the talking machines in Machine City (which even I must admit was pretty cool). No "how'd you make Keanu look so real?" anywhere to be found. Who is up for nominations?

The Hulk
X2
The Return of the King
Master and Commander (which I still want to see. Anyone wanna come along?)
Pirates of the Caribbean
Peter Pan
T3

I dunno about you, but it does seem a little sad when your movie is known as a huge FX extravaganza and you're beaten by Peter Pan for Oscar contention.

Hostage
11:38am

OK, computer's fixed and was shipped last night. That means I'm a hostage today. There is NO WAY I'm gonna risk missing the delivery truck on this one. The really sucky thing is that because of the holiday season, it's possible the guaranteed overnight delivery will be delivered TOMORROW! Then I'll be a hostage on Christmas Eve! Don't matter much as I've already cancelled Christmas I guess. I just would have stocked up on some yummy foods if I knew I'd be stuck here...like some Christmas pop tarts or something. Someone send over some homemade soup please!

One More Present
5:16pm

This year, after you have the latest video game for your kid and the Merino wool sweater for your mom and more DVDs than you can watch for your spouse, please consider buying one last gift for a child who otherwise would get nothing for Christmas. There are millions of them in the US. It's sad but true. And so little money can mean the difference between yet another Christmas with nothing and a Christmas of joy.

Here in Albuquerque, our local mall has a "Giving Tree" where the Salvation Army has found thousands of needy children and asked them what they want. Then information about each child is put on a tag which is placed on the tree at the mall. Yes, some kids want the X-box or a scooter or a DVD player but for each dream gift, there is also listed another more modest gift. We typically buy for two children every year and even though this year has been slim for us, we didn't want to forget those less fortunate. One tag we picked off the tree was for a girl who wanted a Barbie doll. For those of you who haven't shopped for a Barbie doll lately, they cost about $6. Her more modest wish was for a box of crayons. A box of CRAYONS! How can anyone turn down the wish of a little girl for a simple box of crayons? For me, getting the Barbie doll means I don't drink 2 Chai Lattes, as if that would affect my life in any way, while getting a gift from Santa can bring such joy to a little child.

In the end we bought 2 Barbies for 2 different girls and two little packages of Barbie ensembles because, of course, half the fun of having Barbie is dressing and undressing her. I dunno why but there it is. Total cost: $25. Total joy for those 2 little girls? Unmeasurable!

If you don't have a Giving Tree or equivalent at your mall, Starbuck's is also collecting gifts for those less fortunate and I *KNOW* you have a Starbucks near you if you live in the US because it's a LAW or something. I'm sure also, your local Salvation Army is collecting toys.

If you really believe that this is the season for giving, give to someone who otherwise would get nothing.

Sunday Morning Quiz
7:32am

(Feefed from mike)

Let's Just Cancel Christmas This Year, m'kay?
11:42pm

So, we already decided on no tree this year which is weird to me. And now I have the flu.

I know what you're thinking. "Didn't she say she had the flu about two weeks ago?" Yeah, I had the Flu Lite then. Now I have the full blown version and I am NOT looking to upgrade to The Flu Deluxe. I think what happened is that I was so stressed with finals and the GRE that my body maintained a certain level of immunity. But when everything was over, my body said, "fuck it, I'm taking a vacation." and here I am, feverish, body aches, the works. (I'll save you from the grossest of it. Don't say I never did anything for you.)

Then yesterday, the space heater died, leaving downstairs a good 15 degrees colder than the bedroom upstairs. Then this morning, Damien pukes on my comforter so just crawling into bed for the day was out. Also, with my computer dead, I have no addresses to send Christmas cards (a mixed blessing, truly) so if you are expecting a card from me this year, there's a very good chance you ain't getting one. Sorry!

Speaking of my computer, it's still being fixed! I thought I'd get it back yesterday but they still have it at the repair center. I was supposed to fly out to the in-laws for Christmas on Tuesday (Nick's already there at a Solstice party) but now I can't because I'll be waiting here for the damn thing to be returned, IF it is returned that soon.Then I'll have to set it all up again because Nick and I have 2 huge projects due on Dec 30th. How messed up is that? So between the flu and the damn computer, I may be sitting here at home alone on Christmas, no tree, no presents, nothing. (Well, I will have the puking kittens I guess.)

So, let's just cancel the whole thing for this year and do it up doubly good next year. What do ya say?

My Christmas Carol for You!
2:38pm

OMG, this is funny. You might have to wait for it to load, but it's worth it.

Slacker Heros
6:45am

Students at a high school in Georgia stopped a knife wielding jagoff from killing their spanish teacher yesterday. The attacker is the estranged husband of the teacher. Here's my favorite part of the story (via CNN):

Nimesh Patel, 17, was taking a nap after finishing his final when he heard screaming and saw his teacher trying to fend off her assailant.

Wow! There's a real go-getter! At least he waited until after finishing the final before napping. Anyway, the students tackled the guy and sat on him until police arrived. In all seriousness, good for you guys! Too many crimes and too much violence happen with witnesses who choose to do nothing.

Odds and Ends and Observations
7:39pm

Christmas is next week? How the hell did that happen? Remember when you were a kid how Christmas couldn't come fast enough? Now, as an adult it sneaks up on you. This year is actually the first Christmas in my life where we don't have a tree. Just couldn't get my shit together to get one and decorate it. However, other family members will have a tree so it's not like I will completely devoid of Christmas trees this year.

So I put on my shoes today while running toward the door to make my acupuncture appt on time and I feel something in my shoe. I take it off and there's a twist tie in it! How did it get there you ask? Well, out big boy kitty LOVES twist ties and plays with them all the time. The funny thing is he likes putting them in boxes and I guess last night he couldn't find a box so he put it in my shoe! Gee, thanks Damien.

I'm done shopping for Christmas. I have actually been done for a while and it feels GOOD! I'm lucky though. I basically only need to shop for Nick, which is always easy, my mom, which is usually easy, and dad, which is always a gift from Harry & David. How easy is that?

We saw Return of the King yesterday. We went to a matinee at 2:45pm and the theater was 1/4 full! It was great! The big 24 screen multiplex across town was sold out all day long and here we were in relative luxury and no one talking around us. The movie is a mere 3 hours and 21 minutes which means <tmi alert> that me visiting the ladies room only once was a friggin miracle. </tmi> Yes the movie is very good. The white city in it is amazing. I strongly recommend that you watch the Two Towers DVD before seeing Return of the King. There are scenes on the DVD that were not in the theatrical release that truly enhance your understanding between some key characters in the last movie.

After the movie we celebrated Nick's birthday by going out to dinner. Yum yum! Even tho this is a day late, I just want to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK! I'm very glad you were born! *smooch*

Holy Shit!
3:42pm

I raised my GRE score by a total of 150 points! I raised the verbal by 50, which is almost exactly how much I needed to raise it. I raised my math by 100 points! ONE HUNDRED FUCKING POINTS! The funny thing is I didn't need to raise the math score at all but shit, I'll take it! It was torturous but totally worth taking it a second time. I was more relaxed and able to nip a panic attack in the bud. I also didn't run out of time on any section, unlike the first time. Well, graduate school is looking a lot more feasible now and on top of that, I'M DONE FOR THE SEMESTER!!!! Wooohooo!!!!

What a Weekend!
10:51pm

So, I'm cranking along on some work on Saturday and I go to take a break and I think about backing up my work, but I don't actually do it. I go to peruse my favorite blogs when my computer goes crazy! It totally froze up and refused to reboot! This is a a 6 month old iBook, BTW; relatively brandie new! I've used Macs since 1985 and have NEVER had one crash like this iBook. Well, I didn't sleep much Saturday night because I was stressing about all the work I lost and I didn't think my employer was going to let me bill more time to recreate what I should have backed up. Around 5 am (coincidentally, the same time as the press conference announcing the capture of Saddam) my computer actually booted and I quickly emailed all my most recent files for work to my husband for safe keeping. Then I put a CD in to burn a backup and it froze again!

Apple tech support happens to be open on Sunday so I give them a call around 9 am my time after catching a few hours of sleep and they diagnose the problem as a faulty logic board and most likely they were going to wipe the hard drive! Then I spent all of Sunday at a friend's house trying to get as much data off the friggin thing as I could. It happens that if you have 2 macs with firewire, you can connect them together and use one as a firewire hard drive. Guess what? That does not work. Or at least it didn't for me. However, I got the new doorstop to boot again and we used her wireless network (airport) to transfer files from my iBook to her old TiBook. I got WAY lucky as she got a new PowerBook last week and is letting me borrow the TiBook until my iBook is fixed, which should be by Friday (if there is a God).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...I'm taking the general GRE again tomorrow to try to raise my verbal score. I'm not too freaked out this time around, partially because I got my Psych GRE scores today and I did REALLY WELL! In the area of social psych, I did better than 92% of everyone who took the exam! Woohoo!!! I ROCK!

So, now, faithful reader, you are caught up on the craziness that is my life! Wish me luck tomorrow! :)

Nader? No Thanks!
11:04am

Ralph Nader has an online survey asking you, the American public, whether he should run for president. So go over there and tell him "No, Stop screwing with American politics, you nutjob!"

Spam Spam Spam Spam!
12:12am

Time to look in my mailbox for things I don't want, like...

boobs so small but they're workable!
uh...whatever.

seriously bad gas
What are they trying to sell here? I mean, who's gonna buy that?

total mummy action
Now that's just sick, you necropheliacs!

Re:Your Xanax refill is ready
Refill? I've never had Xanax before. How can I get a refill?

Important information about your colon
This Big Brother thing is going a little too far, don't you think?

INC_R,EASE YOUR DI;C;K WEIGHT
1) I don't have a dick. 2) Dick WEIGHT? How the hell do you weigh a dick? Forget it. I don't wanna know.

Porn on speed
Hmmm...am I supposed to take speed before looking at porn or is this porn on a speed boat or what?

getith thou prescrption herith
I'm not kidding. This is the actual subject of a spam-mail.

If I can hump a MILF this easy, so can you
Well, at least they are alive, unlike the mummies!

Random Life Stuff
12:47am

Went to an acupuncturist yesterday. He was great! I had needles everywhere...in my face, in my hand, behind one knee and more. I do feel better and have some more energy. He gave me evil herbs to take. Chinese herbs always seem really nasty (read bitter) to me. I need to take 10 pills 3 times a day. For the first time in my life I can swallow more than one pill at a time! And it only took me 38 years to learn how! OK, I'm a slow learner.

I made it to choral rehearsal Wednesday and the concert Thursday. I only wanted to faint once during the concert, so I figure that's not so bad.

I'm taking the GRE again next week. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm trying to learn 50 more words by Tuesday. I think I can do it. Then Wednesday is Nick's b-day and the opening of the last Lord of the Rings movie. Woohoo!

Anyone watching Angels in America on HBO? I saw the first half at it was quite good! Mary Louise Parker as a valium popping housewife married to an in-the-closet Mormon is fabulous! She really should win an Emmy for it. The second half is Sunday night and it's over 3 hours! Ugh! Better call for a pizza that night I think. Won't have time to cook (as if I ever cook).

Have a great weekend all! :)

Questions from mike
12:36am

1. you are in a strange city with 1 day to kill. what do you look for first?
ummm...shopping prolly. Then maybe a museum, then a good Japanese restaurant.

2. you may only listen to one cd the rest of your life. what is it?
Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here

3. which tv chef would your hire to be your personal chef?
lol. I've NEVER watched a TV chef show so I have NO idea.

4. who, in history, has the best hair?
Nicole Kidman

5. what quality in people do you find irresistable?
A good sense of humor. (Good means slightly warped but not sick.)

Why?
11:52am

Why do people on game shows or sports shows always say "Hi mom!" but never say "Hi dad!"? Are they all from sperm donors? Do they not know who their fathers are? Just curious.

Me Sick
10:26am

After feeling crappy for...oh...a long time now, I finally went to the doctor yesterday and was told I have the flu AND sinusitis. As if one of them wouldn't be enough! The worst part is that the choral concert is tomorrow night and I HAVE to go to rehearsal tonight or I can't perform. I'm afraid my new name there is going to be Typhoid Jen. UGH! I think I'm gonna go back to bed.

Phone Call
8:23pm

So, it looks like Al Gore will be endorsing Howard Dean over his ex-running mate, Lieberman. I would have loved to hear that conversation:

"Hi, Joe? Yeah, thanks for running with me in 2000 and withholding your own candidacy until I chose not to run in 2004 but I'm endorsing a guy with no national or international experience. So...yeah...see ya, buh bye!" *CLICK*

Almost Over!
1:25pm

This semester I took a class in Family Psychology and let me tell you, it was the emotionally hardest class I've taken. It's amazing what families do to each other consciously or otherwise. Studying children of divorce, being a child of divorce myself, was depressing. It is estimated that 40% of children of divorce never marry. That's a HUGE number. Then of course, there's the statistic that 67% (that's 2/3 people) of second marriages fail. Guess who's in her second marriage? Yup. I am. 33% of second marriages succeeding is pretty damn slim although Nick and I have a really healthy relationship and I do believe we can be one of those 33% but still, the numbers are scary. Then, we had to do our family tree, except it wasn't JUST a family tree. It was a dysfunctional family tree so that you can understand where certain things in your life come from like oh, I dunno, depression, alcoholism, physical and/or emotional abuse. Wow, that's fun stuff! Then last night I got to watch the feel good film, Ordinary People, from which there will be 3 questions on my final. Yeah, well, you get the picture by now. Anyway, tomorrow night is the final and then I'll be done with this dreary class, just in time for the holidays. I'll never be so relieved to be done with a class.

Questions for You
7:01pm

1) What's a hemi and why does my TV keep telling me I want one?

2)Why is it that when you smell puke, you feel like puking yourself?

3) Why is Snoop Dogg on an AOHell commercial?

4) Why did mike give me his les miserables sickness?

Instant Karma
12:05pm

Some LOSER in Arizona stole the Salvation Army donation pot from a disabled bell ringer. Now I realize those bell ringers are about the most annoying things in the world, but stealing from charity? Do the world a favor and steal the damn bell!

Luckily, the Karma Police were in the area and made sure the asswipe was hit by a car as he tried to run away with the $53 of donations. Who said there was no such thing as instant karma?

Strange News Stories
1:25am

A man was banned from a grocery store in the Netherlands after he was caught shoplifting except it wasn't actually the shoplifting that got him banned, it was the fact that he crapped on the security guard! He later claimed he must of been having an epileptic seizure and didn't know what he was doing. Uh, hello? People in the middle of a seizure do not lower their pants and crap on people! If anything they'd crap in their own pants! And he wasn't banned for shoplifting? That wasn't bad enough, it was the added defecation that was the ban-able offense! (And the security guard couldn't move out of the way?)

OK, this next story you are going to have to read for yourself. I really don't know how to encapsulate it other than telling you that a man in Germany is up on murder charges for a case of "sexually inspired cannibalism." His lawyer claims he should be charged with "killing on request," a form of illegal euthanasia, instead of murder.

Geena Davis, 48, is pregnant with twins! Wow! 48! That's really getting up there! Good luck woman. You'll need it!

Lastly, a man in Illinois, legally changed his name to Bubba Bubba Bubba. Why? A co-worker called him Bubba, Bubba, Bubba one day as a joke. Another co-worker over heard this and assumed it was his real name. So, hey, WTF? Might as well make it legal, right?

Entertainment News
1:23am

Rachel Griffiths, currently seen in 6 Feet Under, named her newborn son Banjo. BANJO? What kind of name is that?

Who slipped the truth serum into the Osbournes' residence? First Ozzy spills his guts about being molested repeatedly on the way home from school and now Sharon confesses she cheated on Ozzy. I guess Ozzy was getting too much attention so Sharon upped the ante. Personally? I DON'T CARE! Get on with your lives and your TV shows and your concerts and whatever else and keep your dirty laundry in the closet where it belongs!

Michael Jackson's financial advisor has told him he should curb his spending to a mere $1 million a month. Awwwww...That man just has one problem after the other, doesn't he? I mean, really, how can you expect him to live on $12 million a year? That's just outrageous!

Ewan McGregor is pissed that his wanger has been excised from the upcoming movie, Young Adam. While he has shown up nude in 2 other R rated films, Sony Classics has decided to cut the full frontal nudity from the American release. Quote McGregor, "It does amuse me, the horrific violence that comes out of American cinema. But someone's cock is too much. If I'd blown away 5,000 people with a semiautomatic machine gun, that would be fine. But I showed my penis."

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