The Soap Box
A place for me to dump my brain and you to pick thru it

Quote of the Day
9:00pm

Whether you're browning, searing or just setting things on fire, a kitchen blow torch is fun for the whole family.       - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Just Curious
10:57am

Can you call in sick to a conference call?

Nice Biceps!
11:13am

Ben Stiller's really been working out, don't you think?

Courtesy of Google News

How Fun!
12:01am

I get to give a lecture on Wednesday about suicide! How exciting is that? Later this month I'll give a lecture on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The students are gonna start being depressed whenever I walk into the room! Poor students.

Pandas!
3:15pm

I watched a really cool show on pandas today and thought I share a couple of facts I learned. The Chinese word for panda translates to "big cat-bear." Female pandas are only fertile 2 days a year! Couple that with the fact that pandas are solitary animals and that many panda moms abandon their newborns and you can easily understand why they are so rare. After watching the show, I'm amazed there are any pandas left at all!

The New National Sport
12:16pm

Well, the Brits are at it again. "Blaine baiting" has been dubbed the new national sport of England and a second man has been arrested in the process. This guy was flinging pink paint filled balloons from a building window at David Blaine's plastic cage that is suspended above the Thames river. Reports claim he hit his target at least once in the process. A first man was arrested after scaling a tower and trying to cut Blaine's water supply earlier during the magician's stunt. Poor Blaine. Where's the love and admiration he was sure to get by performing his latest act of endurance in London as opposed to the US? To add insult to injury, the Blaine camp now needs to pony up additional funds to pay for round-the-clock police coverage to keep the London hooligans from interrupting Blaine while he starves himself to death.

Not Sure What To Make of This
5:55pm

While it is amusing, I really couldn't tell you what they are trying to sell here. Maybe it would help if I spoke Russian.

Coupling Anyone?
7:52pm

With the amazing success of Friends over on this side of the pond, what are the Brits to do but make their own version of the hit show? And they did. It was called Coupling. So what is NBC to do with the last season of their mega-successful Friends just starting up? Well, start a new show based on the English TV show, Coupling. Uh, what? Yes, the American Coupling is based on the British Coupling which is, in fact, based on Friends. Got that?

There's just one problem. British TV is WAY less prudish than American TV and now some NBC affiliates in the states are refusing to show the "provocative" new series. So if you live in Salt Lake, you can see the new NBC show on the WB and if you are in South Bend, well, I hope you have cable because that's the only way you'll see the show at all. But don't cry over it yet. The advanced buzz is that the writing is pretty poor and there's nothing there other than the shock factor. Entertainment Weekly gave it a C.

Questions courtesy of mike
2:45pm

1. would you rather be a video vj, radio dj, tv anchor person or newspaper reporter?
Radio DJ so I could go to work in my pajamas.

2. who would play you in a bio-pic about you?
Lisa Kudrow maybe. People tell me I remind them of her. If I could choose, I'd choose Julianne Moore because she is so beautiful and talented.

3. who are you planning to vote for president in 2004?
Ha! Do I have to tell? Ok, I'm leaning toward Dean. He really did a lot of good in Vermont and he's purdy darn liberal and I like that. However, I would like to say that Carol Mosley Braun (sorry if I misspelled) REALLY impressed me in the first Democratic circus debate.

4. should the pope retire?
You're asking a neo-lay-Buddhist if the Pope should retire? uhhhh...I don't care? I think he should retire for himself, as he is so ill these days and I'm sure he'd like to rest. I really have no idea if he should retire based on the quality of his work.

5. which cartoon would you most want to live in?
OMG, all cartoon families are so dysfunctional, even more dysfunctional than my real family! I guess Futurama. They don't seem to work too hard. However, Christmas looks like a real bitch in the future.

Just Stuff
1:14pm

The friendly GRE people sent me a CD to help me practice for the GRE...a week late...and for PC only. Thanks a butt-load.

Jen and Ben were seen in a courthouse in Georgia...not for a wedding license but for a gun permit for Ben. That can NOT be a good sign.

David Blaine is considering quitting his stunt. His management company claims they worry for his safety from the English crowd. Yeah right They are also looking to see who they can blame for the fact that Londoners don't seem to give a rat's ass about watching a man living in a plastic box. Uhhh, it's a DUMB STUNT and you can't make people care to see a man in a box! What's the interest there? How much urine he can produce in a day? Give me a break!

So Blue Man Group change their stage show to tailor it toward the 90 gubernatorial candidates in Jay Leno's audience and all I can say is I've never seen so many stereotypical white stiffs in my life! I wouldn't vote for any of them! Based on audience participation alone, I'd vote for Gary Coleman who was the only one groovin' to the Blue Man beat. If you can't appreciate the creativity and utter coolness of Blue Man, you do not deserve to get any votes. However, you gotta love Mary Carey, the porn actress, who flipped Jay off right on TV! Plus, if California falls into the ocean, she will survive thanks to her floatation devices implanted in her chest.

TV Alert!
6:37am

Jay Leno will have 90 of the candidates for governor of California on his show tonight. All candidates were invited. I wonder if Mary Carey, the porn star who is running, will be there. With 90 candidates, they might have time to say their name and that's about it! If each were given 1 minutes to talk, the show would be over by one half hour!

And if that is not enough to get to you to watch Jay Leno tonight, Blue Man Group will also be on tonight!

OMG, I'm So Blond
12:03am

I am NOTORIOUS for mishearing lyrics. I dunno what it is but I'll just be singing away and my husband will stop me and correct my mondegreen. I'm usually VERY embarrassed as I've been singing the damn song for years the wrong way.

So we were watching Bull Durham just now and I'm singing, "Put me in cold, I'm ready to play today" when my husband tells me it's "Put me in Coach"! Oops! How old is that song? How many times have I sung it wrong?

Another famous one from me is the Cars' Shake It Up. The correct lyrics were "Dance all night, keep the beat. Don't you worry 'bout two left feet." I heard "don't you worry 'bout tulipping." What's tulipping? I dunno, some crazy new dance step?

And then we have the strangest one from me courtesy of Pink Floyd's Young Lust song. Actual lyrics: "I am just a new boy, Stranger in this town." What did I hear? "I am just a new boy, fingering his tie." Now all you perverts, I was thinking like Laurel and Hardy when Hardy plays with his tie.

And now you all know my shame.

PS: Just to embarrass someone else, (who doesn't read this blog that I'm aware of) she thought the Gogo's "Our Lips Are Sealed" was "Honest I See You" and Prince's "Little Red Corvette" was "Pay the Rent Collect." Uh, how do you do that?

What in God's Name is Going on Here?
12:59pm

I just do not understand this story. Is it too many hormones? Does it have anything to do with sexual desire in some abnormal way? Or is it just about power?

What really gets me is that one guy was so badly injured he had to have SURGERY! OUCH!

Some Saturday Humor
6:31am

Because I'm a massive computer geek, I find nothing funnier than actual computer tech calls. For your entertainment, I give you some tech calls made to Microsoft this morning. They are good for a chuckle even if you aren't a massive geek or even all that computer savvy.

Did You Know...
4:02pm

...that those with sickle-cell anemia are more resistant to malaria?

...that the word "stigmata" comes from the plural of "stigma"?

And you thought you weren't going to learn anything new today!

When Text Messaging Goes Bad
8:44pm

When you want to text message your lover, make sure you don't send it to your wife like this loser.

Poop
3:50pm

Guess who will be taking the GRE again? Me! I fucking LOVE torture apparently. I gotta get my score up by about 100 points, which I think is possible considering that I ran out of time on the math so I figure if I had time to finish it my grade would have been up by a few points. Gotta really bring up the verbal tho. You know, it's not fair that I have a GPA of an A+ but the fucking GRE exam is required for grad school. Perhaps had I not had that panic attack mid-test I would have done a little better as well.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!
6:16pm

I'm TOTALLY FREAKED OUT about taking the GRE tomorrow. One of the reasons I haven't applied to graduate school before I turned mid-30-ish is because I never wanted to take this damn test! And here I am, taking it tomorrow. FREAK OUT!

This Sucks!
6:22pm

The Women's Pro Soccer League in the US (WUSA) closed their doors today, just 5 days before the Women's World Cup tournament. Looks like Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain are officially unemployed and all the girls who have dreamed of making a career out of soccer in other countries, a la "Bend it Like Beckham" are SOL. It's sad that a country that has the most talented female soccer players can't financially find a way to give these talented women a job.

Catching Up
6:03pm

The adoptathon in Utah found homes for about 450 cats and dogs! Yay! All money from the sales of Naked April CDs were donated to the cause! YAY! Anyone who showed new adoption papers to the band received a free CD! YAY! So, the weekend was NOT lucrative (they actually played 3 gigs over the weekend for zero dinero) but was good for the animals.

Hey, I'm gonna be scarce until after Wednesday, when I take the GRE. I'm trying to learn new words at an amazing rate. I'm only good with cramming since I forget everything so fast. Wish me luck!

How Dumb Can You Be?
3:09pm

Well, apparently pretty damn dumb. Read this story to see what I mean.

Strange Coincidences
6:55am

John Ritter died on his daughter's 5th birthday, the day before his wife's birthday, a week before his wedding anniversary and 6 days before his 55th birthday. How weird is that? His poor daughter. Every year on her birthday for the rest of her life, she'll think about her father's death.

Quote of the Day
12:02am

"When it comes to my penis, I'm a professional."      - Blind Date

Uh dude, are you advertising or bragging or what?

You Heard it Here First (Maybe)
5:59pm

David Letterman, 56, is going to be a first time daddy in a few months. Wow! Can you imagine Letterman as your dad? He'll be 74 when the kid graduates high school.

Harry Poodini
6:14am

You can get your daily dose of how Londoners feel about David Blaine here and here. Enjoy!

David Blaine Revealed
1:09pm

Over on a European web site, David Blaine's magic/illusions are explained by a reader, (who called herself Amb%*$ador of Christ) who commented:

The Truth is David has sold his soul in exchange for his own tv show, wealth and fame and whatever else. There is no magic in what he does. What we don't see are the demons doing all the work for him. My husband and I watched him and he bit a quarter in half and then spit it back together again. he cut his lip too. That is not magic, that is demonically influenced. He levitated in front of Deon Sanders and Deon ran away, saying something about the devil...that probably led him to giving his life to the Lord. Ask David if Jesus Christ came in the flesh and I bet he says no...which means he is not of God.

Well, I guess that wraps up that mystery!

Cool-ocity
7:15am

You wanna know how cool my husband is? Tough! I'm gonna tell you anyway. He is flying to Utah this weekend to play with his band, Naked April, at at benefit for a group called No More Homeless Pets. They are having a "super adoptathon" this weekend to try to get hundreds of homeless pets new homes. If you are in Utah, you can check out his band from 3-6pm noon-3 pm on Saturday or check out the beautiful cats and dogs Friday, Saturday and Sunday at PETsMART at 389 W. 1830 S. in Salt Lake City.

Poor David
1:25am

Poor David Blaine. His box in which he has chosen to live for the next 40-odd days above the river Thames in London is being pelted with various items, including eggs, golf balls and even fish and chips. Awwww. Read all about it here.

Just Stuff
7:23am

So, you guys don't like Flash movies with adult themes? Fair enough. However, as I think it's funny as hell, I will probably make more Dick Ranko movies for my own amusement if nothing else.

Did anyone watch David Letterman last night? He had actual footage of Dubya walking across the White House lawn and hocking a loogie! OMG! I mean he KNEW the cameras were on him and he still spit in public! I can just hear kids around the country, "but the President did it!" *shaking head*

OK, this is a serious question. Why can Iraq not sell some of its oil to help pay for its reconstruction? This is a rhetorical question. Does Dubya have any idea how much $87 billion is? That amount is astounding!

Procrastinating
12:19am

What do computer geeks do to avoid doing REAL work for an entire weekend? Why, they make messed up, seriously wrong Flash movies. It seems to take forever to do anything in Flash, so this is more like a ummm...Flash comic book. Take a look!

WARNING: This Flash movie is rated R so if there are impressionable kids or bosses in the room, send them out before watching this. You have been warned!

PS: That is NOT my normal voice in the movie.

Here's One to Look Forward To
12:28pm

There's a movie coming out called Bubba Ho-tep which has the following plot summary:

Bubba Ho-tep tells the "true" story of what really did become of Elvis Presley. We find Elvis (Bruce Campbell) as an elderly resident in an East Texas rest home, who switched identities with an Elvis impersonator years before his "death", then missed his chance to switch back. Elvis teams up with Jack (Ossie Davis), a fellow nursing home resident who thinks that he is actually President John F. Kennedy, and the two valiant old codgers sally forth to battle an evil Egyptian entity who has chosen their long-term care facility as his happy hunting grounds.

OMG! The movie has EVERYTHING! Elvis, JFK, Egyptian gods! I'm getting in line for it right now! (Uh, that's called sarcasm folks.)

Strange Visitors
8:41pm

I love looking at what key phrases people use in search engines to show up at my site. However, September (and we are only on day 5 of the month) has brought some really strange ones like:

rape my cheeseburger
WTF? I dont even like EATING cheese burgers much less...err..let's go on...

fat gay no censure pictures download
My brain does not even know how to parse that.

actual childbirth pics
Uh, no thanks. I REALLY hope that whoever is searching for these is doing so for educational reasons, not to get his ya-yas off.

outline of every rib
I *wish*! However, I must admit I did complain blog about one of the Hilton twins and her ribs.

ralph wiggam sound boards
See number 2.

And for the record, I do not have the "difinition" of cancer or SARS on my blog. You will find various DEFINITIONS here, however. I will admit to spelling bridget, "bidget" so I understand those misspelled key phrases.

Now, for the $52,000 question: will I be sorry that I have now officially mentioned raping cheeseburgers, etc on my blog?

Hooray...
8:05pm

...to Howard Dean, the only male contestant (yes, I prefer contestant to candidate) in tonight's Democratic debate for not wearing a red tie. And hooray for Al Sharpton for not showing up and giving legitimate contestants more time to talk.

Blame Canada
10:01am

And now for a bit of much needed humor.

Sounds good to me! Pass the venison!

Sad
9:55am

Cyclist and 5 time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong and his wife are getting divorced. I know, 50% of Americans get divorced but this one seems sadder to me. She stood by him during his bout with cancer and even had a child with him after he was cured (although how you father a child after having testicular cancer is beyond me). He just won the Tour de France and wants to go for win number 6 next year.

So this cancer survivor, corporate sponsored, winning cyclist with a family of great looking kids and wife who looks like he has it all apparently doesn't. It kinda makes you think that if he can't keep it together, who can?

Invasion!
12:11am

In approximately 24 hours, UNM will be shut down and scoured by secret service in preparation of the Democratic potential presidential nominees debate. The television satellite trucks were already rolling onto campus Tuesday night. Us little people will not be allowed in to actually attend the event, even if we are students and the debate is taking place in a UNM building. However, if you want to buy a ticket from the state democratic party you can do that for the small sum of $1000. And for the measly sum of $5000, you can attend the debate, then have Governor Bill Richardson take you backstage after the debate to meet the candidates! Let me think...3 years worth of tuition or 30 seconds and the opportunity to possibly shake the hand of the next president...hmmm...

What Tha...
12:02am

So I was surfin' BuyMusic.com, looking for some songs that aren't available on the iTunes store. I was searching for a song called "For You" by Manfred Mann. (OK, actually it's by Bruce Springsteen and covered by Mr. Mann.) and this is what BuyMusic.com returned to me:

At the top of the graphic, you can clearly see it says "search results for: For You." Well last time I checked, "for you" does not = "fuck you" and it especially does not mean "fuck you blind," but thanks for offering Kid Rock.

I Did It
6:17pm

I set up an appointment to take the GRE. September 17th is the BIG DAY! Ugh, I feel ill just thinking about it.

Gimmee a Break!
10:11am

Rain good. Rain even better when it's here. Rain VERY bad when it pre-empts the US Open tennis tournament that I look forward to watching all year. Thanks, but I don't want to watch Agassi and Sampras play again. I watched that last year. Don't the weather gods know I have been planning my days around watching the tournament? Yesterday, being a holiday, I could have sat on my ass for 12 hours straight watching tennis but NOOOOO! Stupid rain had to stop the tournament. So I got up this morning all excited to see some really good LIVE tennis and again I'm disappointed.

Hey! Send the damn rain over here and play tennis already!

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