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Soap Box Thursday, April 29, 2004 Good Morning! So, I'm making my typical scrambled eggs for breakfast when I happen to look down and look what I found:
Nick had told me one of the cats had brought in and
then lost a lizard in the house yesterday to which I replied, "Don't
worry, it'll show up" and unfortunately I was right. After a startled
scream I carefully placed a bowl over the little injured guy (See the
blue/green under his neck? That's not good.) and got some cardboard
to slide underneath and got him outside. On my way back in, I saw a
larger, fatter, deader lizard right by the door. I fear when we move
and take our furniture out of this house (which will be never because
I'm never moving again) there will be dead lizard or just lizard parts
found around the house...yet another reason never to move. Web Sites Worth Mentioning I've somehow stumbled across some interesting sites lately and thought I'd share them with you. johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com 9
Beet Stretch The
God Squad Help If anyone knows where I put my summer clothes,
please let me know. Thanks. Tuesday, April 27, 2004 Quote of the Day From Queer Eye when the straight guy sees his newly decorated "boom-boom room":
Uh, is that a little over-reaction? Monday, April 26, 2004 Show Me The Money! In case you are like me, and don't plan to actually have a $50 bill in your pocket any time soon, here is a pic of the new, redesigned $50 bill. It's hard to make it out completely but I think the blue part on the left side is a combination of stars and some sort of Lucky Charms shape. On the back, would it possible to have the denomination
in a few more fonts please? I don't think 3 is enough. For those of
you budding designers, please don't take this redesign as good design.
Remember that fewer fonts means cleaner design. Sunday, April 25, 2004 The Dark Side Yesterday I had to do something I've been dreading for many years. I had to join the powers of evil. I had to...buy a PC. Yes, loyal reader, I am now the not-so-proud owner of the cheapest desktop PC I could find that had a CD-RW/DVD and 512 Megs of RAM. I feel like such a traitor to my little iBook but I keep telling it the PC is NOT my favorite and I will still do most of my work on the iBook. It's just that ALL of my clients right now use PCs (stupid government clients) and I need a PC for finishing up various loose ends and creating .exe's for delivery. I can tell you this: PCs are DUMB! I installed a wireless card and the XP OS immediately saw my airpot base station (If you don't know what I'm talking about, no loss. Just geek talk) and connected to it, which was very impressive, but would NOT use the damn connection for Internet access (which was VERY STUPID). It took me close to 3 hours to get it all working happily. Let me tell you, if it were a Mac, it would have seen the connection and immediately used it without me trying a million different things and restarting the machine 10 times. Argh, the shame of owning a PC! Will I ever live it
down? Friday, April 23, 2004 Totally Unfair! I have two different labs that want me to work as
a Research Assistant this summer but apparently I can't work for them
because I'm not officially a grad student until the fall. My only choice
is to beg to be admitted for the summer and then take a fucking course!
I don't wanna go to summer school! The stupid thing is that most classes
are mid-day which would make it difficult to work as what I'm doing
is testing people for like 3 hours straight. I can't just stop and say
"I'll be back after my class in 2 hours. Just amuse yourself here
in the lab with thousands of dollars of equipment and confidential information
in that filing cabinet behind you." Plus, I have yet a third job
as a programmer so I don't really have time to take a fucking class.
Bah! In one of the labs I'm the only student who knows how the equipment
works so if I'm not working in it, the professor has to train someone
from scratch which is time consuming for him. Talk about making it difficult
for everyone involved! I guess that's beurocracy for you. Thursday, April 22, 2004 UGH! Why is what a cat hucks up called a fur ball?
It's not 1) furry or 2) round. It's more like a turd made up of matted
yuck. In fact that's what I'm gonna start calling. A fur turd. Much
more accurate. Wednesday, April 21, 2004 Changes Once upon a time, if you were a parent, you had to worry about your child dying from an attack from a saber toothed tiger, hungry bear, or some other large predatory animal. Nowadays, you have to worry about suicide bombers, other children with guns, and just sick fucks who like little kids. Suicide bombers killed at least 18 children last night in Iraq. When I hear about things like that I have to wonder how the Iraqis are better off without Saddam. At least with the dictator they had water, electricity and some sort of security. As long as you weren't Kurdish or you didn't catch the eye of one of his psychotic sons, you had the basics needed for a decent life. Not a great life, but a decent life. Now, no one is safe. Not the troops, not the Iraqi police force, not the humanitarian workers, not the Iraqis in the streets and not children riding to school on a bus. While obviously we do not have the same problems as
Iraq, we still have random shootings, both drive-by and school yard.
We have pedophiles, drunk drivers, abusive fathers and psychotic mothers.
I'm sure we thought that once we got to the top of the food chain we
were safe but we were wrong. Our most ferocious predator now is ourselves.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004 Thought for the Night Sometimes nothing feels better then being completely
nude except for a nice warm robe. Mmmmm... WTF? So I'm watching Headline News and an actual Emergency
Alert pops up and it says on the screen that there's a child abduction
alert. The voice claims this is a legitimate emergency alert and to
please switch to channel 20 for details. So hey, who am I to defy an
actual emergency alert and I switch the channel. And now I'm watching
a lame shopping channel that wants me to get rid of my crow's feet with
some crappy cream. What happened to the emergency? Could it all be a
scam to make me think I need cream to get rid of my nearly invisible
crow's feet? What's going on? Disturbing Trend Can you imagine someone wanting to look like you so bad they get plastic surgery? Well, I certainly can't because they'd have to be certifiable to spend $10,000 to look like me, but seriously...it's a little strange, don't you think? Well, a man who chooses to go by the name Jessica paid $15,000 to have J Lo's face and boobs. He had to have his brow bones shaved down, his hairline lowered, his lips done, maybe cheek implants, can't remember, and the fake boobs. Brow bones shaved??? OK, I'm not sure which is more
disturbing about that, that he wanted it done, or that we know how to
do that! And in the end, did he look like J. Lo? Uh, not really. In
fact, I think he looked as much like her pre-surgery as he did afterward.
Jessica claimed s/he was pleased with the surgery and is now going to
pursue his goal of becoming a female model. Great. Is if it's not bad
enough that I'm hip-ier than those skinny female models. This guy has
no hips, thighs or ass. If designers start making women's clothes to
fit him, I'm totally screwed. Anyway, if you want to see the whole metamorphosis,
you can see it on MTV's "I Want A Famous Face" show. It's
pretty gross so don't eat before watching. Monday, April 19, 2004 I'm Not Dead Yet! I know I haven't been around much. been busy busy
busy! I'm singing in a concert tomorrow night and had 5 hours of rehearsal
last last and 3 hours tonight. I also had to get a project out the door
today. I'm TIRED! After my concert tomorrow night I'll be back to posting
ridiculous stuff for your entertainment. Friday, April 16, 2004 Who Dat? Uhhh, which Williams sister is pictured below? I can't tell.
Thursday, April 15, 2004 Questions from mike 1. for some reason, you can no longer live in the
USA. where would you move? 2. what musical artist has the biggest gap between
their best and worst work? 3. what movie are you nearly embarrassed to admit
liking? 4. who is the least funny comedian? 5. is the shroud of turin authentic? Word or Not Answer Haplology is a real word: noun The winner of best fake answer goes to Erin: It is the study of unfortunate men. Haplo being the masculine form of hapless. Thanks to everyone for playing! Wednesday, April 14, 2004 Last Chance Today is your last chance to play your favorite internet word game, "Word or Not?" If you would like to play, please scroll down to Saturday's offerings. I will post the answer this evening. Monday, April 12, 2004 Anne Frank: Mormon? Well, those thoughtful Mormons have been baptizing dead Jews so that they have a chance of entering heaven. How considerate! Many Jews in NY don't see what a gift this is and asked their senator, the former First Lady, to discuss this issue with Senator Orrin Hatch. Just to give you some history on the issue, Mormons have been baptizing by proxy the deceased since around 1835. Usually this means baptizing a deceased Mormon family member after the family member has requested such an act. However, when it was discovered they were baptizing by proxy WWII holocaust victims, they were asked to stop said practice. The church claimed in both 1995 and 2002 that they would stop but still continue to baptize holocaust victims. Senator Clinton, during her meeting with Senator Hatch, found out her own father was baptized by proxy September 5, 2002! When this issue was fully researched, over 20,000 names of holocaust victims appeared in the roles of the church, including the name of Anne Frank. Could you imagine going through the torture of the death camps because of your religion then find out you were baptized against your wishes to a different religion once you're dead? This ludicrous practice makes me sick. Are not even deceased victims of hatred and bigotry considered sacred to the Mormons? These people died in a terrible tragedy and should be remembered as heroes, as people who died for what they believed and, if you will, martyrs. As such, they should be revered, not used in another religion's practices, removing from them what made them special in the first place. Heavy I'm feeling heavy today with all the sadness in the world. Nothing seems to be getting better anywhere. Hundreds of people have died in Iraq since April 1st, not to mention those dying in Israel and Saudi Arabia because of violence. The family of a young woman killed in Iraq are pleading with the Pentagon not to send her 2 sisters, who are in the National Guard and serving active duty, back to Iraq after their leave for the funeral. (I personally think if you lose a family member, your family's done its duty.) Canada has started a seal hunt where they expect 350,000 seals to be killed. 21 people died in India in a stampede for free clothing. I could go on, but why bother? I might as well just stick my head in the sand, like most Americans, and pretend everything is hunky-dory...except I can't seem to do it this time. Maybe I need to go watch some Futurama for a larf. Sunday, April 11, 2004 Fun With Bush I found a website, courtesy of The Presurfer, that allows you to make your own little cartoons with The Shrub. It's George-Says.com. You can make him say anything you want. I thought I'd share a couple of mine with you. Enjoy!
Only In Florida... ...can you get
arrested for feeding the homeless!A bunch of students belonging
to a group called Food Not Bombs were at a public park where they doled
out mashed potatoes, stir-fry, salad, tea, and chocolate pies. Apparently
the group hadn't paid the requisite application and rental fees to use
the park and were therefore arrested for trespassing. The group has
been told to stay out of public parks and recreation areas for one year.
That's gratitude for ya. WTF?! Why in the world is it SNOWING in mid-April in the desert? That's crazy! We're gonna lose all our fruit, which is not that big of a deal to us, but will really piss my mom off, who thinks free fruit off of our trees is about the best thing in the world (mostly because she didn't have to pay for it). Last year we didn't have many cherries because of a late freeze and she didn't believe me! She thought I was just being lazy about picking the fruit then driving it 70 miles to her house! Imagine that! And at the risk of offending you, dear reader, Happy
Zombie Jesus Day! Keep warm and don't eat too many fluorescent pink
Peeps! Saturday, April 10, 2004 Word or Not? It's time for your favorite blog game, Word or Not? Here's how it works: I post a word. You guess if it's a real word or not. If you think it's really a word, post what you think the definition is. If it is a word and you know it's a word, please do not post the definition. However, if you want to place a fictitional definition for our amusement, please feel free. I will post the answer in a couple of days if anyone bothers to play. Today's word is haplology. Is haplology a real word? What does it mean? Friday, April 9, 2004 Adult Swim Here's a little Adult Swim update in case you are a fan of this block of programming on Cartoon Network. 1) Home Movies was not picked up for another season. I had guessed as much when Brendan dropped his video camera and it was run over by oncoming traffic. 2) Sealab 2021 is coming out on DVD! Yay! About time! I just dumped all the episodes off my TIVO. Now I have room again for other things! Its release date is June 15th. Also on that date will be released Volume 2 of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. In November, Volume 2 of Space Ghost and Volume 3 of Aqua Teen will be available. 3) At least 22 new episodes of Family Guy are being made and will start airing in January 2005. Both Aqua Teen and Sealab 2021 will add 13 new cartoons to their current run. 4) Coming in October is the Untitled Seth Green Project which will use stop-motion animation to skewer the news stories of the day. 5) A brandie new season of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law starts April 18th. This season, Harve will represent such (semi) famous cartoon characters including Speed Buggy, Auggie Doggie and Doggie Daddy, Inch High Private Eye and the Jetsons. Should be damn funny. 6) Matt Groening makes a rare television appearance when he introduces his favorite episode of Futurama each night for a week starting Sunday, May 23rd. It will be interesting to see which episodes are Matt's favorites. Wednesday, April 7, 2004 Spring! Just in case you don't have your own Cherry tree in bloom in your backyard, I thought I'd share my cherry blossoms with you! Enjoy!
Today's Lesson in Slang Ever hear of Hillbilly Heroin? No? Well that's apparently
the street name for OxyContin. I only know because Courtney Love claimed
to be on Hillbilly Heroin to some cops and the CNN web site kindly translated
for those of us who are slang illiterate. Thanks CNN! You're groovy
in a kinda far-out and happenin' way! Tuesday, April 6, 2004 Futurama Fans Unite!
Monday, April 5, 2004 Blunderfalls Throughout the blog world, everyone is abuzz with
the new FOX TV show, Wonderfalls. In fact, everyone has been gushing
about it so much I thought I'd actually watch it this week for the first
time but, alas, I was too slow. Wonderfalls
has been cancelled and the final episode aired last week. Now I'm
kinda glad I never watched it. It's worse to get hooked on a show just
to see it cancelled, like The Brotherhood of Poland New Hampshire, than
miss all 3 episodes entirely. OUCH! Do you really want this in your pocket? And why would you need it in your pocket...oh wait! Maybe it's different kind of meat thermometer! If you know what I mean...and I think you do! *wink*
Passion I know you are dying to know how The Passion of the Christ is being received world wide and I am here to let you know. In Jordan, one Muslim was quoted as saying that The Passion "unmasked the Jews' lies and I hope that everybody, everywhere, turns against the Jews." Oh great. I'm not sure that's the response Mel was going for. A French newspaper claims the movie is "undoubtedly the most dangerous and most violent interpretation ever made of the Passion of Christ". I personally would consider that bad, but I can see Hollywood twisting that to their advantage. A Norwegian bishop stated that "It is downright gruesome. It made me out and out nauseous." While the film has been sold to an Israeli film distributor,
it has been decided that now is not a good time to release it in Israel.
However, just because the Israelis haven't seen the movie, that doesn't
mean they don't have opinions about it. One reporter in Israel wrote,
"Given the damage he's done to Christian-Jewish relations, I wouldn't
want to be Mel Gibson on Judgment Day." Friday, April 2, 2004 Like Father Like Daughter Guess who got checked in to drug rehab today? Kelly Osbourne! I am SHOCKED! SHOCKED I tell you! I never saw that coming... And I would just like to say for the record that while
Kelly was being checked in, both Sharon and Ozzy were giving an interview
to Larry King, leaving the responsibility of getting Kelly situated
to Jack, who, himself, went thru rehab less than a year ago. Am I missing
something or does that just seem like the dumbest thing I've ever heard? Just a Collection of Random Stuff that You
Might Find Interesting or Maybe Not...Read At Your Own Risk...of Boredom You know that college woman that was kidnapped earlier this week? Well, now it looks like she may have faked the whole thing! Way to waste thousands of dollars during the police search. Does this rank alongside women who falsely accuse men of raping them or do I just feel that way? I passed Shoney's today. It's a low-brow restaurant chain you can find in just about any major city. On their "marquee" they had changed from "All You Can Eat Buffet" to "All You Care To Eat Buffet." Oh phew! Now that it's not "All I Can Eat" I'm going to run right down and eat all I care to. DUMB! It's overcast and rainy today and I gotta tell ya, I LOVE it! Just as the rain in some places can bring you down, 350 days of sunshine a year can also become tedious. I sleep better when it rains too. I don't know if it's the sound of the rain or the fresh smell or maybe that pollen is no longer in the air but I'll take it! Maybe this will end my week of insomnia. I can always hope! So it turns out that midterm was harder than my teacher anticipated. If you got 108 points out of 150, you got an A! Yikes! That should be a 72, not a 90! We haven't actually been able to see how many we got right. It's kind of a tease. We know the curve, but we don't know our score. Go figure. I'm thinking of seeing The Ladykillers this weekend.
Anyone seen it? Is it any good? Aw, Crap It's that time of the year. Time to spring forward.
We lose a precious hour of our weekends this weekend. I hate that. Thursday, April 1, 2004 No Foolin' I had a big midterm yesterday. I studied at
least 10 hours for it, on top of the studying I do weekly for the course.
The test pretty much sucked but what's worse is that all night I dreamed
I still had to take that damn test today! Frickin notochords, filopodia,
GABA, acetylcholine, motoneurons! Leave me the fuck alone!
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Blog Name: The Soap Box
Jen's
tattoos
2004
2003
B6 d++ t++ k s u-- f+ i o+ x-- e- l+ c+
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