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Soap Box Saturday, February 28, 2004 Just Another Day in Albuquerque So, on my way to bed last night around 1:30am, I went
around turning off lights and locking doors, etc, when I noticed blue
flashing lights outside. Like an idiot, I actually opened the front
door and stuck my head out to find 5 cop cars with lights flashing right
outside my house! I quickly ducked back inside, locked the door and
went upstairs to the bedroom to peek out the window. One thing you should
know is that I live on a little quiet street, barely wide enough for
2 cars to pass if someone parks on the side of the road. I'm not on
a main drag or anything so this event was quite out of the ordinary.
It was strange I never heard any sirens. So anyway, I watched while
this one poor schlub in a baseball cap had to go through the standing
on one foot and walk heel-toe tests. Then he quietly turned around and
was cuffed. Why it took 5 cruisers to arrest one drunk driver is beyond
me. It seems like poor management planning to me. The amazing thing
was not 5 minutes after they drove off with the driver, the tow truck
was here to impound his vehicle. Don't you wish AAA got to you that
fast? Everything was done very quietly, except for the dumb tow truck
backing up. Makes me wonder what else happens on my street while I sleep. Friday, February 27, 2004 Word or Not? It's time for your favorite blog game, Word or Not? Here's how it works: I post a word. You guess if it's a real word or not. If you think it's really a word, post what you think the definition is. If it is a word and you know it's a word, please do not post the definition. However, if you want to place a fictitional definition for our amusement, please feel free. I will post the answer in a couple of days if anyone bothers to play. Today's word is fantod. Is fantod a real word? What does it mean? Thursday, February 26, 2004 In the News A Wichita, KS woman died while watching The Passion of the Christ. Makes you wonder if the movie is too violent or if she was a sinner. Speaking of The Passion, parents in my city are taking their children, as young as 4, to the movie! HELLO? You've GOT to be kidding me! Those kids are gonna be messed up for life! They are gonna have nightmares about Jesus. Not a good plan if you ask me. (Not that you did.) There is a new study involving women suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. They will be treated with Ecstasy! Apparently, Ex allows the victims to be able to talk about their trauma in a detached way. They can talk about their trauma without reliving it. My question is how does the study legally get the drug? I wonder if they are making it themselves. Clear Channel Communications, who own thousands of
radio stations around the country, have temporarily banned the Howard
Stern show for inappropriate content. Something about being racist I
think but I can't get the whole story. Anyone know what he said to get
suspended from the airwaves? Tuesday, February 24, 2004 The Idiot Speaks Below are outtakes from President Bush's speech this morning regarding changing the Consitution to include the definition of marriage as the joining of one man and one woman: The union of a man and woman is the most enduring human institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith.
Ages of experience have taught humanity that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society.
Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all.
America's a free society which limits the role of government in the lives of our citizens.
Thank you very much.
Just Stupid The Oscar telecast wants to be a class act, unlike
the Superbowl halftime show. In order to do that, they are banning feminine
hygiene commercials. No, really. Apparently feminine hygiene commercials
are too base to show during such an important TV show in which the fashions
on the women are the main thing discussed at water coolers the following
day. Do you think men made this decision? Well men of ABC, let me tell
ya, if you think those commercials are gross, imagine a world without
feminine hygiene products! Monday, February 23, 2004 Loose Ends That ridiculous law requiring all cars in NM to be fitted with breathalyzers was shot down in the state senate, thank goodness. No more same-sex couple marriages in this state, it looks like. There are lawyers on the case so who knows? I'll keep you updated. Meanwhile, there will only be 50 same-sex weddings a day in SF and you must make an appointment first. I don't think I will see all the movies I wanted to before the Oscars, unless I see a movie a day between now and then. On the list is still Monster, In America, The Cooler, Mystic River, 21 Grams and Big Fish. Instead of seeing one of the movies mentioned above this past weekend, I saw Starsky & Hutch and it was BAD. However, if you liked Zoolander, you will probably enjoy it more than I did. It will be interesting on Sunday to see who wins Best Actor at the Oscars since both Bill Murray and now Johnny Depp have beaten out Sean Penn at various award shows. I won't be on Super Millionaire. I could never make it past the 3rd fastest finger question on the telephone game. Man, they sure know how to make me feel dumb. I'm still waiting to hear from grad school. If I don't
hear within 2 weeks then I've been rejected. Just a little inside information
I've received. I hate playing the waiting game. Let's play Hungry Hungry
Hippo! Word or Not Answer Titubation is a real word. Titubation: (noun) The staggering or stumbling gait characteristic of certain nervous disorders. It is also used to describe a gait from too much alcohol. The winner of the fake entry goes to JJJb - vacation where everyone wears nothing but tube tops. Thanks all for playing! Saturday, February 21, 2004 An FYI After hearing that our state's glorious Attorney General, Patricia Madrid, put the kibosh on same-sex marriages after the Sandoval County Clerk cound find no reason to not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, I did a search and could not find anywhere where it said a marriage in New Mexico must be between a man and a woman. Every county has posted the same requirements as seen below:
As you can clearly see, it states "both applicants," not a man and a woman. I did find some other laws that pertain to New Mexico weddings that weren't on the county page. They include that you do not need to be a resident of the state to get married here, and...(get ready for it)...you can marry your cousin (a-yuk!) but still did not find anything about one man + one woman = marriage. So, when it is officially determined that gay marriages
are not illegal in New mexico, keep in mind that I'm an ordained minister
and would be happy to serve as officiant for any couple in which the
two people love and respect each other. Regardless if I get a call to
act as an officiant, I will be volunteering on behalf of Flowers
for Al and Don, distributing wedding bouquets to whomever may want
one. Friday, February 20, 2004 Questions from mike 1. what song, when you hear it, makes you think
it was written just for you? (no fair, if, in fact your husband actually
has written a song for you - i mean a song written by a stranger) Word or Not? It's time for your favorite blog game, Word or Not? Here's how it works: I post a word. You guess if it's a real word or not. If you think it's really a word, post what you think the definition is. If it is a word and you know it's a word, please do not post the definition. However, if you want to place a fictitional definition for our amusement, please feel free. I will post the answer in a couple of days if anyone bothers to play. Today's word is titubation (with apologies to Janet). Is titubation a real word? What does it mean? Thursday, February 19, 2004 This Seriously Sucks
The state wants ME to shell out $1000 for fucking
ignition lock when I don't even drink? You have GOT to be kidding me.
The state is penalizing EVERYONE in the state because some assholes
drive after drinking? Don't get me wrong. Drinking and driving is a
very serious problem in this state and I understand that but how about
making DUI a felony first of all and perhaps taking a few licenses away
on the first offense? Better yet, make the people who have a DUI put
the damn ignition locks on their cars and leave the rest of us alone?
I really resent the fact that the state wants me to prove I'm not driving
drunk when they don't even know me! What happened to innocent until
PROVEN guilty? How about people proving they have fucking car insurance
before the car can be registered? I mean, let's try some tactics that
don't penalize those of us who have never driven drunk first before
passing this asinine law. Tuesday, February 17, 2004 Just When You Thought It Couldn't
Get Any Worse I swear, people get to my website with the strangest keyphrases (or search phrases if you prefer). I thought I'd seen it all but nooo. The month is taking the cake. See below: colostomy bag content photo pic margaret cho see through grammy hotel soap makes my penis hurt rest home fuck you radio kelly ripa farts kill the stupid ms paperclip yucky mouth public service announcement rubba rubba game buy Just Curious Anyone out there planning to go see Mel Gibson's "The
Passion of the Christ"? Monday, February 16, 2004 Odds & Ends I usually don't really study my T-Mobile bill, I just pay it. It's usually mo more than $5 above the base charge. It's one of those combined accounts where Nick and I get one bill and share the account. however tonight I thought I would just peek at how many of my 1200 minutes I used last month. I was a grand total of 13 minutes. That's all, just 13 minutes. The rest of it just goes down the toilet. Today is D Day, Diet day. So if I seem overly bitchy you'll know why. I want to go down 2 sizes by my high school reunion which is in November. I figure if I start now, it can't be THAT hard. *sigh* Congrats to Bill Murray for winning the BAFTA
for best lead male for Lost in Translation. He beat out Jude Law and
Sean Penn for the award. Pretty amazing! The funny thing is that Dan
Aykroyd criticized the performance as been too understated. Shows ya
what he knows! Saturday, February 14, 2004 Movie Review You may or may not know that I'm a huge movie fan.
The reason you might not know this is because I don't normally post
movie reviews here. However, I'm making an exception for 50 First Dates.
Yes, the new Adam Sandler movie. While it does have it's typical Adam
Sandler moments (think gallons and gallons of projectile walrus vomit
in the first scene) it veers away from them the longer the movie goes
on. And Drew Barrymore is simply adorable in the movie. I actually had
a tear in my eye in the last scene, it was that touching. BTW, I don't
cry easily in a movie. I didn't cry in Schindler's List...wait a minute,
I did. Uhhh, I didn't cry in the English Patient or Master and Commander
or any other recent movie since Life as a House. I've lost whether I'm
making a pointing or not so anyway, go see 50 First Dates and just know
that when you see the sick walrus, go get some popcorn or go to the
bathroom or something and you'll miss the worst part and as soon as
Drew shows up, the movie really starts getting good. Thursday, February 12, 2004 Looking for a Little Peace? If you feel you need a little more tranquility in
your life, you can now buy silence on iTunes. No, really! There are
several tracks of silence for sale on iTunes including a one minute
track of silence by the band, Project Grudge, entitled appropriately,
"One Minute of Silence." Enjoy! Wednesday, February 11, 2004 This Really Happened At the vet's yesterday was some woman who swore they
spayed her cat there but the city never got the paper work and now she
needed proof of said operation because the city was going to arrest
her for having an "unaltered" cat which is rather crazy. That's
beside the point. This woman had a young boy, perhaps 4 or 5, banging
on the fish tank, jumping up and down, etc. Then at one point, while
the woman is arguing about the operation for which the vet office could
not find ever took place, the son comes up to her and says, "Look
mommy! I'm eating a candy heart I found on the floor. I wiped it off
first." The kid found candy on the veterinarian's floor and ATE
it! Lord knows what was on that candy heart! I was soooo grossed out!
Gah! BTW: the mother didn't tell the kid to spit the candy out. Just kinda looked at him and made no response. Tuesday, February 10, 2004 Making Me Crazy Kitty is home and has been YOWLING for the past
hour and a half. She's not locked in a room or anything. She has free
reign of the house but she just goes in the front room and cries and
cries. We go in there and pet her, we have fed her, we bring her to
sit with us in the family room and she just goes back to the front room
and howls! I think I'm going to lose my mind! Cat Update Cat was ultrasounded (if that's a word) and
everything looked normal, more or less. They think she might have a
food allergy. Basically, they can't find anything bad so they assume
it's all OK. She was eating more yesterday and her bladder and pee looked
good so maybe whatever it was has mysteriously cleared up. Who knows?
She's still at the vet's because her body temperature dropped during
the procedure and hasn't come back up. I'm using the time to try to
get the cat urine stench out of my house. Hopefully I can go get her
soon! Poor thing! She's been through an awful lot! Monday, February 9, 2004 Quote of the Day Compliments of Couples Fear Factor:
FrickenFrack Our old kitty (she's 14) has lost a bunch of weight and been peeing blood for over a week now. She's been to the vet twice, been on meds for 8 days, had blood work done, been x-rayed and this is what I got from the vet on Saturday morning, "Good news! Everything's normal in the bloodwork." How is that good news? So we know NOTHING. She said she'd call another vet who would do an ultrasound to see if it's a bladder stone or some other tumor thing. This was Saturday morning, at 9:30. It's now Monday at 3pm and still no call from the other vet. I called my vet at 11am and she said "Well the other vet was busy with emergencies all weekend and he should get back to you but I'll call him and see if he can squeeze you in sometime early this week." Hello? My cat is not an emergency? She's peeing blood all over the place, doesn't want to go out (and that's a big thing), acts hungry but won't eat, and is just acting strange in general. You know, you'd think after paying a vet $250 they could care a little more. I mean, when does my cat become an emergency? I'm gonna call the emergency vet office and see if
they have an ultrasound machine. If so, we'll bundle kitty up and wait
our turn at the emergency vet's tonight. Ugh. Sunday, February 8, 2004 Quote of the Day
Friday, February 6, 2004 Moveable Type is Pissing Me
Off! I dumped moveable type over a year ago because it
was giving me fits. I'm now a "roll your own" blogger, which
is fine. I like having more control over my blog, not that I ever do
anything fancy. Now, however, with the latest MT update, MT will not
let you leave comments if you have dashes in your email, which I do
so when I want to leave a comment over at Swirlspice,
I have to put in a bogus email address (I usually use jenben@thisisnotmyemailaddress.com).
Tonight I was over at Crazy
Tracy, trying to leave a comment and it didn't like my jenben.info
address! It tells me my URL is "questionable" and for me to
fix it! HELLO?! It's not broken, YOU are! So bite me MT! Yeah, That's Logical Thinking Five Cuban musical acts have been barred from entering
the U.S. for the Grammy awards because, according to the State Department,
"Most Cuban artists are compensated by the Cuban government and
are therefore employees" of the Cuban government and proceeds from
their performances "financially enriches the Castro regime."
Right, musicians are really the puppets of Castro. That's fucking ridiculous.
That's totally hypocritical if you think of all the "eastern bloc"
athletes that were paid by their governments that have competed in the
United States over the years, not to mention the Cuban baseball team
that plays in the States when they can (i.e. when Cuba is not worried
about defections). So what's with banning musicians? What a load of
crap. Thursday, February 5, 2004 And the Jokes Roll On... Janet Jackson's Boob Turned Down Apple Ad.
Good News! Apple has finally admitted there are problems with
logic boards in dual USB iBooks! They will replace logic boards in these
iBooks for up to 3 years at their cost, including shipping charges.
If you have paid for repairs on your logic board, they will refund your
money! (Well, that's what they are saying anyway.) For all the info,
click here. Wednesday, February 4, 2004 Too Funny! Ashcroft Detains Janet Jackson's Right Breast.
Give Me A Break! CBS is freaking out about the Grammy telecast now.
What if someone else flashes body parts? The country will be in ruins!
Seriously, they are trying to devise some software that gives them a
longer than 5 second delay and gives them an option to show something
other than a blank blue screen (of death?) when they cut away. On top
of that, CBS is debating whether Janet and Justin should be banned from
the Grammy ceremonies. Whatever. And this bitching about the possible
$27,000 fine from the FCC? Excuse me, but just exactly did ONE 30 second
commercial cost during the Superbowl? $2.2 million? CBS, stop your whining
and get over the boobage already. It's so 5 minutes ago. Tuesday, February 3, 2004 Sad State of Affairs I live in a really fucked up state. If it weren't for the natural beauty, I'd be out of here. Case in point: there is a NEW law in the works stating that you can get charged with child abuse if you allow your kids in the same building as a meth lab. HELLO??? A-der that's child abuse! I mean, having a meth lab is illegal right? And the chemicals used to make meth are incredibly dangerous! So allowing children near dangerous chemicals is obviously negligent if not absolutely abuse! But for whatever reason, we need to create a law to state this in terms that any drug addled moron can understand. Here's the article:
Jasmine Briggs is bitching that her children are recovering
meth addicts? Well, where did they get the stuff? From her personal
lab in her kitchen? You know, I don't have much sympathy for someone
who cooks their own illegal substances then complains their kids are
addicts. Ever hear of a little thing called RESPONSIBLITY? It's just
mind blowing that we need an actual law to state the obvious. Idiots! I just got a call from the Dean campagin. "We're calling because we noticed you haven't voted yet. We wanted to remind you that your caucus center is Chelwood Elementary School and the polls are open from noon to 7pm." Hello? It's not fucking NOON yet! How am I supposed
to vote before the polls are open? Unless Dean supporters are voting
before the polls open. Hmmm...sounds suspicious to me! Monday, February 2, 2004 Dear FCC... While the exposed breast of Janet Jackson was quite surprising, it was neither offensive or indecent. I mean, we're talking Janet Jackson here, not Roseanne Barr! Ms. Jackson is a beautiful woman who at the age of 37 does not have any parts on her that can be considered obscene. It's sad that people in this country consider a bare breast offensive. And as far as the children are concerned? What child has never seen a bare breast? Granted they usually have seen one while nursing and don't remember, but come on. It's a breast! It's not some 6 foot alien schlong oozing pus or something. I feel it is arguable if the baring of a breast was
appropriate but as far as offensive or indecent? Please! Spend our government
money researching how many people were offended by Kid Rock wearing
the American flag like a poncho and singing about hookers, methadone
clinics and beer commercials. Yeah, that's a good use for it. Wait!
Better yet, use it to find out how offensive it is that we were lied
to (once again) by our president re: WMD. Holy Cow! I watch TV. I watch a LOT of TV but yesterday, being Superbowl Sunday, I went to a movie, as is my tradition and this is what I missed?
Dayam! Ms. Jackson, what the hell is on your nipple? And why are you letting Justin Timberlake touch your boob and rip off your clothes?? Sunday, February 1, 2004 New Blog Because I either need more medication or I'm crazy, I've started a blog for the Olympics. I'm a total Olympic nut. I'll watch ANY sport if it's the Olympics. For instance, I would NEVER watch softball normally, or boxing, or synchronized swimming, but tell me it's the Olympics and you can't tear me away. Luckily, I know I'm not the only one addicted to the games. mike is too and he is my co-author for the Olympic Fever blog. I have a feeling he will be doing the "investigative" posts and I'll be doing the fluff pieces (No, that has NOTHING to do with porn. Get your minds out of the gutter!). If you, also, are an Olympic fanatic, come over some
time and check it out!
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Blog Name: The Soap Box
Jen's
tattoos
2004
2003
B6 d++ t++ k s u-- f+ i o+ x-- e- l+ c+
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