The Soap Box
A place for me to dump my brain and you to pick thru it

Quote of the Week
4:13pm

From the DNC, broadcast live over CNN Thursday night:

"Come on guys, let's move it. Jesus. We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go. Goddammit. No confetti. No confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? There's not enough coming down. All balloons. Why the hell is nothing falling? What the fuck are you guys doing up there?" - Don Mischer, director of the DNC.

Excellent! Nice language on live TV. All I have to say is that if CBS and Miss Jackson have to pay fines for the Nipplegate, CNN also better get slammed.

Disappointing
10:29pm

I've now seen 21 movies in the theater this year and I hate to report that The Village was the ummm...least entertaining movie I've seen. Reasons include stilted language, lots of dead and skinned animals, almost coma-like pacing, and just plain dumb, bordering on cruel, actions by "the Elders." You know it's bad when it gets to the scary part and all you think is "I don't even care anymore." That's all I'll tell you in case you still want to fork out the money for it. Oh, wait...one more thing...M. Night Shyamalan is a TERRIBLE actor. He really should stop putting himself in his movies.

Spam Spam Spam Spam
12:26pm

It's that time again...time to look at my spam. You'd think I'd seen everything by now but there are still some interesting things in my e-mail trash:

it depends on you piracy monkeyflower
Say what? And what does that have to do with the fact that this spam came from a Canadian pharmacy?

Big s0ftwarre discunts with frree shipping option from Scott's St0re
Pardon me? What exactly is a discunt? never mind, I DON'T want to know.

Hung like a horse? Doubt it .. see what it takes on the farm
Oh. My. God.

She is 20 and Too Young For Marriage Jenben
Yeah? So? What are you telling me for?

prophylactic sandman
I can't figure out what this would be...a condom made of sand? Ewwwww! Or a condom to protect me against the sandman? Even scarier!! WTH is the sandman doing at night?

PTSD is No Laughing Matter
10:48pm

A young man, Kevin Lucey, joined the Marine Guard at the age of 18 in order to make some money for college. He spent his 22nd birthday in Iraq, where he was stationed for 6 months. When he came back, there was something different about Kevin, but nothing his family could put their finger on. At Christmas time of 2003, he started acting very different. He confided in his sister that he was a murderer. He had trouble sleeping, had night sweats and nightmares, all classic symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. After receiving therapy from a private therapist so that the military would not find out and think him "weak," he stopped eating. Then his family brought him to the VA and had him committed against his will. He was released about 3 days later. One of the things his family discovered later via his medical records from the VA is that Kevin had already considered three ways to kill himself. For those of you who don't know much about suicide, once a person has a plan, that's when they are SERIOUS about doing it. If a person has a plan, they need immediate help.

Needless to say, Kevin did take his own life, 5 weeks ago today. His father found him hanging in the basement by a hose. The murders he alluded to with his sister had to do with the fact that he was commanded to shoot 2 unarmed Iraqi prisoners. He could not reconcile what he had done in Iraq with who he was at the age of 22.

Kevin is not the only young man or woman who has returned from Iraq that have difficulties transitioning back to civilian life. It's so important that the military, who creates these cases of PTSD, takes the steps to give all returning personnel access to the proper mental health professionals, stigma-free. Too many soldiers are afraid of a blemish on their record if they seek out mental help. While this attitude survives, more young people like Kevin will continue to take their own lives when they can no longer deal on their own with the nightmares.

Random Musings
11:24pm

I caught some of Britney Spears' Onyx Hotel tour (or whatever it's called) when I was at the gym today. It was on MTV which is not normally on in the "cardiotheater" but was today. Can someone tell me if she actually was writhing in a giant petri dish while singing about masturbating or was I hallucinating?

So now that Lance Armstrong has won a record 6th Tour de France, do you ever think it will become a trend for "serious" bicyclists to have their gonads surgically removed?

Margaret Cho, one very funny woman, was invited, and the disinvited, to entertain at a Human Rights Campaign fund raiser at the DNC this week in Boston. They cited the backlash after Whoopi Goldberg's performance in New York at a different democratic fund raiser. Give me a break. Have some damn balls people. If we can't laugh at our government, what do we have to laugh at? Personally, I am going to see Margaret on 9/11. I can't think of a better day for a good laugh.

Joke of the Day
11:42am

Why does the mermaid wear seashells?

Because B-shells are too small!

Bwaaaaahahahahahaha!

Blast From the Past
12:38am

While cleaning out some boxes my mom gave me of childhood stuff, I came across the ticket stub from one of my first concerts. I can't quite figure out who was playing on October 3rd, 1979 in Boston, but I can tell you the ticket price was a whopping $8.50! Can you imagine? And that's for an orchestra seat, about 12 rows up! I'm really curious what artist was playing that night in Boston.

OMG! According to the internet it was ABBA! How embarrassing! However, I was 13 at the time, so I guess it's not as bad as if I were 18 and going to ABBA. However, who I would have seen then is probably even more embarrassing.

Whose Line
1:33am

For those of you who are fans of the US version of Whose Line Is It Anyway, it looks like there is a new episode on tonight on ABC at 8 eastern, 7central/mountain. Yay!

UPDATE: Stupid bastards at ABC! They switched shows at the last minute so no Whose Line was on :(

LOL! Part 2
12:24am

Here is the best use of Flash I've seen in a long time. If it doesn't at least give you a giggle, you're dead inside.

LOL!
2:04pm

One of the interesting things about the Tour de France is that the fans write messages to the riders on the street, large enough that you can read them on the TV coverage. Today, I saw a message that said:

RIP THEIR BALLS OFF LANCE!

Keeping in mind that Lance Armstrong survived testicular cancer, in which I'm sure his own balls were surgically removed, the message is both tasteless and damn funny!

PS: Barring a catastrophe, such as a fall or an illness, it looks like Lance will be the first person to win the Tour a record 6 times.

What's Wrong with this Picture?
8:14pm

What on earth does an interest in Islam have to do with Bill Clinton? Could someone explain this to me? 'Cause I can't figure it out.

Word or Not Answer
6:21pm

Defalcation is a real word.

Main Entry: de·fal·ca·tion
Pronunciation: "dE-"fal-'kA-sh&n, "dE-"fol-, di-; "de-f&l-
Function: noun
1 archaic : DEDUCTION
2 : the act or an instance of embezzling
3 : a failure to meet a promise or an expectation

The winner for best fake definition goes to mike: what happens when a falcon eats too many prunes.

Thanks to all who played.

Ha! Vindication!
10:55am

You know, I always felt I was of a "normal" weight. Then I took a class in Abnormal Psychology where we learned about the BMI, the Body Mass Index. The BMI is supposedly a foolproof method to discover whether you are overweight or not by taking into consideration your height and not just your weight. A BMI between 25 and 29 is considered overweight while 30 or higher is considered obese. According to the BMI I was overweight and would need to lose like 20 lbs to be considered "normal weight." 20 lbs? That's a LOT of weight! At the height of 5'6" I would have to weigh 114 according to the BMI to be considered underweight. I have news for the National Institutes of Health. At 135 lbs, I wore a size 8. Twenty lbs less I would have been anorexic, not simply underweight! Anyway, I questioned the BMI with my professor who is an eating disorders specialist. She said that it was possible if you were extremely muscular, like an athlete, that the BMI might be incorrect but otherwise it was dead on. So, if I went to a doctor, he would say I'm overweight, closer to obese than "normal" weight. Thanks a lot. Look, I know I have some fat on me. I'm not delusional. However, I've always been rather muscular underneath it, thanks to the fact that when I was a child I did gymnastics and swam a lot. However, I refuse to believe I'm 10 lbs from obese!

But then today, I found a list of superstars that would also be considered overweight or obese and I have to say, I'm in good company. The following are considered overweight according to the BMI:

Will Smith
Matt Damon
Denzel Washington
Hugh Jackman
George W. Bush
Bruce Willis (with a BMI of 29, he's almost OBESE!)

If that's not enough, the following would be considered obese:

The Rock
Sylvester Stallone
Ahnold
Tom Cruise

OK, many of those people are very muscular, like The Rock, as he was a professional athlete (I use that term loosely usually for wrestlers) for years but Dubya? I wouldn't say he has a professional athlete's body but nor would I say he's overweight! Bruce Willis, practically obese? Tom Cruise = obese?? Yeah, that BMI is flawless.

Major Fuck Up
11:02pm

A guy sent to jail for car theft and burglary was placed in a cell with a man that raped and choked him as a child! Holy crap! The possible outcomes are that he was abused again or that he beat the shit out of the rapist. The latter happened for which he will not be charged.

I wonder if he can sue the justice system for cruel and unusual punishment.

My TiVo is on Crack
2:11pm

I love TiVo. I love never having to rewind VCR tapes. I love pressing a button to record without dicking around with start times and end times. I love that there is a built in TV guide. However, there is one aspect of my TiVo that's really messed up. The wonderful TiVO is supposed to analyze what you watch on a daily basis and then picks similar items to record, which is wonderful in theory, but really lacking in practice.

As I was watching the Tour de France today, like I've done every day for the past week (which is all mike's and Andrew's fault), TiVo asks if I want to switch to Animal Planet to record Animal Miracles. Hello? Have I EVER watched Animal Miracles? No. Do I ever even watch Animal Planet? NO! Do I watch Tour de France? YES! EVERY DAY last week! Stupid TiVo.

It's always amusing to see what it records when I'm sleeping, like some show in Spanish (and no, I don't speak Spanish) or even better when it records channels I don't even get. RIght now on there is "Russ Whitney's Building Wealth." WTF is that? An infomercial? Thanks TiVo.

Why doesn't it record more stuff from Adult Swim? Or American Whose Line is it Anyway? Or other stuff I actually watch on a regular basis? Because it's on crack. That's why.

Question for You
12:30pm

When you have a cold, where does all the snot come from? Sheeesh!

Word or Not?
6:53pm

It's time your favorite blog game, Word or Not?

Here's how it works: I post a word. You guess if it's a real word or not. If you think it's really a word, post what you think the definition is. If it is a word and you know it's a word, please do not post the definition. However, if you want to place a fictional definition for our amusement, please feel free. I will post the answer in a couple of days if anyone bothers to play.

Today's word is defalcation.

Is defalcation a real word? What does it mean?

Ugh
12:03pm

I think I have a summer cold. I HATE that! I feel like poop. And it's the weekend! How unfair is that?   :(

I Don't Remember Signing Up For This
8:17pm

Remember I mentioned that over 5,000 soldiers were being recalled for active duty involuntarily? It turns out that 15 of those being recalled are musicians. Two trumpets, two French horns, one trombone, four clarinets, three saxophones, one percussion, one electric bass and one euphonium, to be exact. The reason to recall musicians? They play a lot of funerals. I am NOT joking. And I guess now that we've hit 1,000 soldiers killed in Iraq, the funeral business is not slowing down.

Tour Canceled
8:29pm

David Bowie has been touring in Europe with a pinched nerve in his shoulder. He goes to see a doctor and finds out the pinched nerve is the least of his problem. Turns out he has acute artery blockage and has to have emergency heart surgery! Eek! Needless to say, the European tour is canceled and Bowie is now recuperating at his New York home with wife/model Iman and their daughter. I wish you a speedy recovery, Mr. Bowie.

You've GOT to be Kidding!
6:40am

My neighbor across the street is xeriscaping the lawn of my next-door neighbor. That's cool. I'm all for using less water in the desert and for keeping the money in the neighborhood, as it were, but starting work at 6 AM right next to my bedroom window? The next-door neighbor has a bunch of railroad ties sunk into his front lawn to make a 2 tier landscape design and it sounds like across-the-street guy is taking them out with a ball-peen hammer! Give me a fucking break! It's a rude way to wake up and an obscene way to wake up at 6 am! Argggggh!

UPDATE: I was wrong. It was not a ball-peen hammer but a pick axe.

A Mystery!
9:26pm

Found on imdb.com:

Writer-director M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense, Signs) is trying to block a documentary about his life and career, now set to air on the Sci Fi Channel on July 18, the New York Daily News reported today (Tuesday). The newspaper said that initially director Nathaniel Kahn and producer Callum Greene had been invited to follow Shyamalan around as he filmed his new movie, The Village, and were invited to interview some of his friends and associates. But Kahn and Greene told the Daily News that after tracking friends and family from his childhood they discovered a "pivotal event" in Shyamalan's life, which they declined to reveal. When Shyamalan learned of their discovery, they contend, he attempted to shut down the production.

I wonder what the big pivotal event is! Does anyone know?

New Blogger
6:11pm

Guess who's got a blog now? Michael Moore! So now you don't have to actually buy his books, you can read his ramblings for free! Actually, the 2 entries that are currently there are rather interesting and/or humorous. Go check it out!

Resurrection!
2:14pm

After gathering my workout music and infecting hubby's iPod with such artists as Black Eyed Peas and Missy Elliot and other such music that he NEVER listens to, I plugged in my dead iPod because in my universe, hope spring eternal and voila! A happy little Apple icon!!!! I couldn't believe it! After countless reset efforts last night as well as much cursing and frustration and sadness, my iPod is ALIVE! ALIVE!!! Oh happy day!

Thanks Erica for your help! I REALLY do appreciate it! :)

Hate Mail
12:27pm

Hey! I (indirectly) got my first piece of hate mail from this blog! OK, Hubby got the mail but it was from a comment he left here. I don't know exactly which comment triggered it but I thought I'd share it with you all:

Nick please leave Canada is calling you. If you really listen I think if can even hear France calling you. Loser

So let's examine the above. The writer (whose identity I will not reveal as long as he doesn't keep up his asinine behavior) has no idea of how grammar works in English. I think he's asking Nick to leave Canada but I'm not sure. And the second sentence I can't even parse. So he's either very young or left skool at an early age. To his credit, everything is at least spelled correctly.

Anyway, isn't it great that we live in a country where you can say what you believe and then some cretin can criticize you for it? Yeah, the United States of America is great! Seriously, in some countries you can be killed for saying what you believe. Even in our newly "1984" atmosphere in this country, I still see "Peace IS Patriotic" bumper stickers. Regardless if you are for or against our occupation of Iraq, you have every right, under our constitution, to state how you feel and that is truly a gift.

Sad Day Indeed
11:32pm

My beloved iPod is dead.

I tried all the tricks: leaving it unplugged for 24 hours then resetting it by holding down the Menu and Play buttons, letting the battery recharge, and nothing except that the unit got rather hot while "recharging." I'm hoping it's the battery since that will only be like $115 to fix instead of $295 for a new one. (Betty you may commence laughing at my misfortune any time now.) Luckily hubby has an iPod that I can borrow when I go to the gym. Seriously, the gym is insufferable without my own music.

All in all, it's been a great iPod. Hub got it offa eBay for me 2 years ago. Haven't had any problems with it up until now and the batteries were reported to only last 18 months so I can't really complain. It's just that it's my favorite "gadget." I love it way more than my cell phone, PDA or digital camera. It's been a great companion when traveling and at the gym and if it comes back from Apple DOA I will be VERY sad.      :(

Random Comments
4:12pm

OK, what's up with showing a whole 20 minutes of the Wimbledon Women's finals? WTF? Show 4.5 HOURS of men's semi-finals and then 20 minutes of the women? What fucktard made that programming decision?

Camino browser for the Mac TOTALLY ROCKS! I'm in love with it. If you have a Mac and you haven't tried it, you gotta! Everything that made Safari choke works beautifully in it. I'm in heaven!

Bite Me Safari
1:40am

Friday, I tried to finish up a project for work but I couldn't get my application to play nice with a database on the server. I just couldn't figure it out! It was making me crazy. Then I thought, "hmmm...what if Safari browser is messing this up?" So I switched to MS IE, which I try not to use because I try not to use any Microsoft application if I can avoid it, and lo and behold! It wasn't that my code wasn't working, it was that Safari was fucking it up! Well that was the last straw. As Erica can tell you, I've been considering changing browsers for well, at least a week now, but have put it off for one reason or another. I don't want to have to import all my bookmarks, I have my auto-fills working nicely, etc. However, after pulling my hair out at work today, I'm kicking Safari to the curb. It's just an incredible piece of crap! It doesn't show me how many comments I have on my blog, I can't use it with eBay or with a calendar web site I HAVE to use for my other job, I can't use it with web CT, a web app used at school...why the fuck was I using it at all?

Right now I'm trying out Mozilla 1.7. Wish me luck!

UPDATE: Now I'm playing with Camino...I need my Google search in the toolbar!

Just What You've Been Waiting For!
8:52pm

A new video series debuts on July 13th: Guys Gone Wild! It's not only Guys Gone Wild but also Guys Gone Wild: Spring Break and Guys Gone Wild: Frat Boys. The videos promise the Full Monty from good looking college guys.

Quotes one reviewer, "A recent screening for a group of friends - male and female - elicited squeals of appalled laughter, followed by embarrassed fascination, followed quickly by boredom and shutting off the VCR."

Yeah, that sounds like it's worth $20 a pop.

Blog Name: The Soap Box
Email: jenben[at]g-r-c.com
Introduction

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