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The
Soap Box Wednesday, June 30, 2004 Word Or Not Answer Martinet is a real word. As usual, all of your definitions were very clever and choosing the best was more dificult than usual. With that, the winner of the best fake definition goes to Shannon:"Wasn't that one of the back up singers for Dean Martin?" Tuesday, June 29, 2004 Sucks To Be You So, the US Army is calling up 5,600 retired and discharged soldiers for involuntary duty possibly in Iraq or Afghanistan. Does that suck ass or what? Lessee...Bush declared victory in the war on May 2, 2003 and we turned over power (supposedly) to the Iraqis this week so what are the soldiers for? Perhaps the war never ended over a year ago? I wonder if this will change any minds of voters
come November... Entertainment Tidbits Oscar winner Mira Sorvino, 36, secretly wed her boyfriend on June 11th. What's the big deal? Uhhh...he's 22. Yipes! Vince Vaughn is set to play mysterious Racer X in a live action version of Speed Racer. But in the TV show, didn't we never actually see Racer X? I can't remember. Whitney Houston has pulled out of a concert in Germany due to "bad weather." The concert isn't scheduled until next month, so how does weather factor into it? Is "bad weather" code for "I don't have a dealer out of the country"? Maybe she's weather psychic. I mean her aunt, Dionne Warwick, did used to pitch the Psychic Network, didn't she? DreamWorks will be filming a mini-series called
"Into The West" here in New Mexico! Coolness! Also a remake
of The Longest Yard starring Adam Sandler and Chris Rock will use
the old Santa Fe jail as a setting for about 40% of the film. So
if you're in New Mexico this summer, you might find yourself star
struck. Sunday, June 27, 2004 Random Thoughts On... Hair: Does anyone else have hair long enough that it tries to strangle you in you sleep? And no, I'm not cutting it! I just wish it wouldn't plot against me while I slept. Geekdom: Comdex is postponed indefinitely. I never went to Comdex but I always thought it would be cool to go to Vegas on an expense account and try out new gadgets before they made it to market. It is NPR's opinion that Comdex will not be back... Madness and Music: The new Wilco CD is out. During the recording the lead singer became addicted to pain killers prescribed for his migraines and practically had a nervous breakdown. There were times during the recording when he was unable to use words so he just thrashed on his guitar instead. You can hear his frustration on a song entitled "Spiders (Kidsmoke)" which, at over 10 minutes, is the CDs second longest cut. The longest one contains 9 minutes of guitar feedback. Other songs which capture some of the torment the lead singer went through, both physically and mentally, are "Hell is Chrome" and "Company in My Back." All in all, it's a very interesting CD and worth a listen. However, don't try to fall asleep to it or you might wake up, as I did, during the 9 minutes of feedback and be totally flipped out! How to Piss Me Off: Block my view of oncoming traffic as I'm trying to turn onto a busy road with your fucking huge SUV or pickup so that I have to risk life and limb when merging onto said road. Yeah, that ought to do it. Jean Luc Picard: I love Patrick Stewart. I really do. But would it be physically possible for him to do more voice-over work? Just the other night, he was doing a tire commercial followed by one of those dumb Crestor commercials (what is that stuff for anyway?) and now he's doing the voice-over for the intro into the Wimbledon coverage on NBC. Love the man, love his voice but c'mon! Be a little more selective, huh? Frogs: A woman in Iran claims to have given birth to a frog. It is thought that she picked up some frog larva from swimming in a dirty pool. Then the larva matured in her body, supposedly. Some Iranian biology expert claims the frog has some human characteristics too. You can read the whole messed up story here. Weather: There was a tornado in Albuquerque yesterday! And it wasn't in a trailer park! How weird is that? Local News: A woman went into a Department of Transportation building in Santa Fe saying she needed to make an urgent phone call. Who did she call? The Homeland Security office saying she was going to kill all politicians starting with Governor Richardson! She then hung up and walked out the door. When she heard police were looking for her she actually turned herself in! Uhhh..can you say a few bricks short of a load? The Civil War: Did you know that
40% of the Union army had VD? YIKES! Also, at least 6 Union soldiers
were not discovered to actually be women until they gave birth!
How the hell could women pose as soldiers and not be found out?
Modesty in the military must have been pretty high back then! Saturday, June 26, 2004 Word or Not? It's the return of your favorite blog game, Word or Not? Here's how it works: I post a word. You guess if it's a real word or not. If you think it's really a word, post what you think the definition is. If it is a word and you know it's a word, please do not post the definition. However, if you want to place a fictional definition for our amusement, please feel free. I will post the answer in a couple of days if anyone bothers to play. Today's word is martinet. Is martinet a real word? What does it mean? One Of Those Moods Oops, I forgot to blog again. I think it's because everything that's happening in the world seems like either incredibly cruel, or just inane (case in point: one of the headlines on cnn.com is that Britney Spears is engaged. WHO CARES?). I will tell you that I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 tonight
and through about 1/3 of the film I was nauseated. However, I guess
if I have to look for a silver lining, it's that there are a lot
of Americans who feel as I do: that the US government is up its
ass and needs to change. Hopefully it will change in just a few
months... Thursday, June 24, 2004 Watching Wimbledon So I was watching Wimbledon this morning and chatting with a friend online and my friend just cracked me up so bad, I had to share. Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent:
Just Stuff Mary Kate Olsen is in the hospital with anorexia. It's ironic somehow that the richest teenager in the world is starving herself to death, isn't it? Colin Farrell shot a full frontal scene for his upcoming film, A Home at the End of the World. However, his "manhood" is so large, it distracted members of the audience! One source told a British newspaper, "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it." Guess I'll have to wait for the DVD, where the scene will be left intact. Speaking of male members, I was watching Roddick
play at Wimbledon yesterday morning in my usual half-awake state
where I could have sworn I heard the sportscaster say something
about playing with an "18 year old wang." Pardon me? My
mind started to try to figure out what that whole sentence must
have been. Was it "Roddick may be in his early twenties but
he still plays with his 18 year old wang"? Then I realized
that Roddick's opponent was named Wang! Ooooooh! Now I get it! Silly
me. Wednesday, June 23, 2004 Bloody Rain! OK! OK! I'm up! I'm watching Serena Williams play at Wimbledon but so fricken tired I didn't even realize I was watching yesterday's match on ESPN2. Stupid rain delays. Sorry I haven't blogged much lately. A rare thing
has happened. In the course of working 2 jobs this summer I haven't
had a whole lot of time but, of course, have all kinds of things
to blog about. I'll try to catch up later today but with this friggin
rain delay, I'm going back to sleep for a few hours. Sunday, June 20, 2004 Albuquerque - The Bustling Metropolis of Film I heard Fahrenheit 9/11 was opening in at least 422 theaters and I was curious to see if one of those theaters was in Albuquerque. I went to the Fahrenheit 9/11 web site and found out that it was going to open in 3 theaters here! That's as many theaters as it is playing in Los Angeles or San Francisco proper! I was shocked! We're just a little po-dunk city, population only 800,000, on the southern edge of the US and we get 3 theaters with this movie? Wow! How cool is that? If you want to see if it is playing in your neck
of the woods, look here. Saturday, June 19, 2004 In The Boardroom Suit 1: With this new low-carb craze,
we're losing Coke drinkers by the butt load. Friday, June 18, 2004 Ugh I think the grossest thing has got to be a very
furry cat with diarrhea. UGH! Random Notes Guess what is the sweatiest city in the US? It's El Paso, Tx. According to a research scientist, "in just four hours, El Paso's residents produce enough sweat to fill an Olympic swimming pool." Ewwwww! Madonna has changed her name to Esther. Whatever. Courtney Cox named her daughter Coco. What is
up with naming your kid after food? Apple...Coco...what's next?
Cheez wiz? Thursday, June 17, 2004 Sex, Anyone? Some 19 year old student in England is auctioning off his virginity. The reserve price? £6000 (that's about $11,000). Is he doing it for charity? Not exactly. He said he'd give £1000 to charity but the rest is for his pocket. Quotes David Vardy, "I've never had a serious girlfriend and have never had sex. I have been wrapped up in multi-media projects since I was a teenager so I haven't had time. But saying that, I don't want to sound a geek." Tuesday, June 15, 2004 Summer Bummer Andre Agassi will not be at Wimbledon this year.
He has an injury and has to withdraw from the summer classic. I
will miss watching him but hopefully he will recover in time for
the Olympics. Truth in Sarcasm? Headline on this week's Alibi, Albuquerque's weekly free newspaper:
Sunday, June 13, 2004 National Masturbation Day Today is National Masturbation Day! Why is that?
Because Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen turned 18, of course! So all
you who lust after the Olsen Twins can unzip and whack it without
the guilt of lusting after jail bait! Bon apetit! (PS: My spell checker wanted me to change "apetit" to "ape tit." LOL!) Question For You Last night, I was watching one of Hayao Miyazaki's
wonderful animated movies when I thought, "How does one direct
an animated movie?" I mean, I understand what a director does
with live actors but how do you direct something on paper? Can anyone
explain this to me? Friday, June 11, 2004 Contractor Blues You know what really sucks about being a contractor? You get paid at the whim of your clients. In the past month I've worked my ass off teaching Flash software to one client, editing audio and programming for another, writing exercises for an upcoming Director book for a third and I'm still broke! Yes, I have a contract that states my main client has to pay me within 14 days but good luck trying to enforce that. They can say "Oh, that's 14 days after we receive the invoice and we just received it yesterday" which would be a lie or "Oh, that's 14 days after it's approved internally" blah blah blah... It makes me feel like why should I bust my ass
when no one pays me although I know rationally I will get
paid eventually by someone. It just sucks right
now. Thursday, June 10, 2004 It Begins Again... We have our first Bosque fire today, burning
down at least 2 houses. It's really scary to know there is a fire
in your city, especially when you're in year 10 of a drought. Luckily,
there is no way this fire can reach our house, unless it burns down
most of the city and I can't see that happening. We do live near
National Forest which if that goes, we're pretty much fucked but
there haven't been any fires in that forest that I'm aware of. *crossing
fingers* Wednesday, June 9, 2004 Today's English Lesson Did you know that the words testify and testimony are directly related to the word testicles? No, seriously! They all come from the Latin word testis, meaning to witness. According to the wonderful world of the Internet:
So next time you get up in church to testify,
make sure you hold your privates in the process. When taking your
wedding vows, I guess you gotta hold the nads of the minister. Hmmm...that
would make for an interesting wedding! Monday, June 8, 2004 In Today's Insipid News... ...it is rumored that J Lo got married because she is pregnant and as a devout Catholic would not have a child out of wedlock. Always a great reason to get married...NOT. In disappointing news,
Madstone Theatres, who operate a handful of theaters across
the country including a theater here in Albuquerque are closing.
It's disappointing because they showed art house and foreign films
that if it were not for them, these movies would never play here
in the desert. They also often had special events like fund raisers
for the local Tibetan community. Now I'm stuck with the two major
chains, Century
and United Artists.
Very sad. Sunday, June 6, 2004 In Case You Care to Read It... ...here
is a little article about Fly Boy, my great-aunt's husband who
died a week ago. Watching Cement Dry My next door neighbor had his driveway redone
two weeks ago. He's still waiting for it to dry. Let's think about
this for a moment. We live a mile high with humidity that averages
in the teens and not a drop of rain. Do you think the cement might
be dry yet? I mean, even if it were some freakish slow drying cement,
wouldn't it be dry by now? But no, he still has his driveway roped
off with caution tape and is parking in the street every night.
Perhaps he thinks his new driveway is too pretty to park on now.
Maybe he considers it art. Who the hell knows but it's making me
crazy. You Heard It Here First (Maybe) Jennifer Lopez is married! No, I'm serious! She
married Marc Anthony after he got a quickie divorce from his former
Miss Universe wife. Jen Lopez is only 33 and on her third marriage.
Is it just me or does she seem just a tad needy? Thank God Ben Affleck
dodged that diva bullet. Saturday, June 5, 2004 One of Those Days You ever feel like your life is headed for a train
wreck? Like something bad is going to happen soon and there's nothing
you can do about it? You just have to wait for it to happen and
deal with the consequences? Yeah. That's how I feel. Thursday, June 3, 2004 How's Your Johnson? A friend just asked me if I had nicknames for
my boobs (no, really, she did!) to which I laughed and said "Uh,
NO!" but you know the truth is that many people give certain
body parts (usually the naughty bits) nicknames so if you name your
bits or have heard some great names for uh...you know..let me know
in the comments! Wednesday, June 2, 2004 They Must Hire Rocket Scientists What's wrong with this picture?
Check out the delivery date and the delivery location
then look where the package actually is. Also notice where the package
was this morning. Thanks FedEx. Now I don't have to work tonight! Tuesday, June 1, 2004 Hooray! Congratulations Jennifer Capriati for beating
Serena Williams in the French Open Quarter-finals this morning.
And with Venus behind right now, it could possibly be a no Williams
final! When's the last time that happened in a Grand Slam? (Other
than when one was injured, that is.)
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Blog Name: The Soap Box
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