The Soap Box
A place for me to dump my brain and you to pick thru it

I'm So Pissed Off
9:55pm

Cindy Sheehan, mother of fallen soldier Casey Sheehan, was invited to the state of the Union address given this evening. She got to her seat then removed her coat and pink scarf to reveal a t-shirt with an anti-Bush slogan on it. She was asked to cover up the shirt which she refused. And really, it's her free speech, right? The basis of the Constitution? So she was arrested for "unlawful conduct" which can lead to a year in jail. Wearing a t-shirt with an anti-Bush slogan is now unlawful conduct! WTF? Show me where it says that is unlawful conduct in the book of laws. Seriously.

It just really kills me that we are not allowed to state any opinions that go against the White House. Seriously, this censorship is un-American. This is not the country that I want to live in. If the soldiers are in Iraq fighting for our freedom, what kind of freedom are we talking about? Not the freedom to wear a t-shirt that criticizes the government for whom her son died. Give me a fucking break.

Sheehan was processed during the Bush speech and is expected to be released later this evening. All I can say, is good for you girl for standing up for what you believe.

Deja Vu
2:12am

Since Philip Seymour Hoffman is racking up the awards for Capote, I thought I'd share something I ran across on IMDB the other day. Check out the plot outline for a movie called Infamous. Look familiar? It makes you wonder which one actually started production first. Capote was shot in something like 39 days so it is possible that Infamous was actually in production first. With all the praise Hoffman is getting for his portrayal of the title character, will that help or hinder Infamous? I'm guessing hurt, like, hurt so bad it may be shelved forever.

WTG!
12:22am

Nick's best friend is in a band called Zentherstick who just played up in Park City for the Sundance Film Festival! How cool is that! Good going guys!

Business Woman
3:52pm

I've decided that if I were to own a business, I'd call it Pump & Gulp. It was be a gas station ('cause everyone needs gas, right?) that also sold those Big Gulps...oh yeah, and porn in the back.     ;)

Sayonara
9:51pm

After a 10 year effort, both UPN and WB are going off the air this fall. Boo hoo. I never watched either network except for pre-Enterprise Star Trek series...oh and a couple of Gilmore Girls episodes...so I can't say I'll miss either network. In its place will be the CW network, operated by CBS and Time-Warner. Think they'll fare any better? Hmmmm...

For Your Consideration
11:12pm

The Oscar nominations for 2006 come out in 9 days. There are awards for two categories for which nominations won't be announced, because they don't exist...but they should! The first award is for "Best Ensemble Cast." Yes, the SAG awards do have such a category but really, who cares about the SAG awards? Of course, this year there would be a clear-cut winner: the cast from Crash. if you have not seen this movie, you are really missing something. The performances in this movie about racism in today's LA is just incredible. It's definitely worth checking out.

The other non-exist ant award should be "Best Performance or Voice in an Animated or CGI Role." Of course, Andy Serkis would have won this three years in a role for Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings movie and he'd win again this year for King Kong. However, another nomination should have gone to Antonio Banderas for Puss in Boots in Shrek 2. But seriously, these animated or CGI performances are getting so complex and rich and talented, shouldn't these people be recognized. I mean, it was a real shame that Andy Serkis could not be nominated as Gollum. He was GREAT! Without him, this character would have looked like a piece of crap and you never would have ever felt any sympathy for this poor creature. Same for King Kong. Dammit, I never expected or wanted to feel bad for that big gorilla but Serkis made you feel! Grrr, you bastard. Forget it. No oscar for you. You made me ALMOST cry for a stupid dumb ape.

Now I'm glad you cant get an award Serkis. That's what you get for being such a great actor but hiding behind CGI.

No Sense of Humor
9:50pm

A few months ago, South park took on Tom Cruise with the joke that he's a closet homosexual. I saw parts of the episode. It was OK, not great. The slams on Scientology were way funnier than the Tom Cruise closet case part for me. Apparently, Tom is a sacred cow...you're not allowed to make fun of him. It made all the news outlets that Cruise had been made fun of and the question was buzzing around as to whether South park finally went too far. I thought the argument was ridiculous. South Park had torn Barbra Streisand apart much more viciously, not to mention J Lo and Ban Affleck. It's a joke and most people understand that. Well, apparently Cruise didn't get that memo. He has threatened to sue paramount if the episode entitled, "Trapped in the Closet" airs in Britain as scheduled, and Paramount has caved. I think no one told Paramount that he has no case, unless, of course, he really is gay. It's called satire, Tom. When Jerry Falwell tried to sue Larry Flint, of Hustler magazine fame,for a fake advertisement that Falwell claimed was libelous, the Supreme Court found that under the First Amendment, an obvious satire or parody of a public figure remains protected speech, even if it causes emotional distress to that person. So get your enormous head out of your ass, Tom and lighten up. You're only making it worse, like you have something to hide.

And if you missed the episode you can download it here. Enjoy!

Malapropism
12:57am

Am I the only one who misheard the Rob Thomas lyric from his song "Lonely No More"? I could have sworn I heard him sing:

Open up to me
as I do your girlfriends

but apparently the lyric really is:

Open up to me
like you do your girlfriends

Oopsie! My bad!

PS: For a definition of malapropism, click here.

A Walk Down Memory Lane
10:14pm

You know what I miss? Once upon a time, when a big name band would come through town, a local band would open up for them. It was a great way for the local band to play to a larger audience and a great way for the audience to have a big ol' house party ...especially as I grew up in Boston in the era of J. Geils Band whose "theme song" was (Ain't nothing but a) House Party. We actually make sure we were in our seats before the opening act because we knew it was going to be a great time.

Once record companies started pairing up bands that had nothing to do with each other, the party was over. I remember ZZ Top playing in Boston with Loverboy and 38 Special opening for Huey Lewis and the News! I mean, come on. Who in their right minds liked both bands? And what does ZZ Top have to do with Loverboy at all? Nothing. Obviously record companies just wanted the money of the fans of both bands. It was a sad day, indeed. The worst was when you only want to see the opening act and your friend wants to see the main act. Then you're stuck there listening to some crap band you'd rather puncture your ear drums than actually pay attention to and the bands are, of course, so loud that you couldn't escape the noise if you wanted to.

Yeah, there was a time when opening acts were like your friends. They didn't need to write the name of the town they're in on the back of their guitars because they were from your hometown. You knew all the words and sang along proudly. Everyone in the audience was your friend...at least for that night. Yep, good times.

In Response to Gene Shalit
1:05pm

You may or may not know that Gene Shalit, movie reviewer for the Today show, called the character Jack from Brokeback Mountain a "sexual predator" who "tracks Ennis down and coaxes him into sporadic trysts." Well, now that I've seen the movie, I can respond to this characterization. Gene, you're an idiot. The way I saw it Ennis needed no coaxing and in fact encouraged Jack regarding their "sporadic trysts." Did you miss the postcard Ennis sent to Jack telling him he wanted to see him? Did you miss Ennis pulling Jack into a stairwell when they first see each other after 4 years to kiss him? Did you miss how quickly Ennis was willing to leave the wife and kids to be with Jack for a week? There was no coaxing involved from what I could tell. To me, this was as much more loving and caring relationship and not just about sex (gay or straight).

I seriously wonder what movie you were watching but I've decided your review better fits the 2002 movie, Unfaithful in which each love scene between the characters Paul (Olivier Martinez) and Connie (Diane Lane) start with her firmly saying "no" and him ripping her clothes off anyway. Some found this sexy. I found it despicable and have always wondered why these virtual rape scenes were considered "hot." To me, that is a sexual predator.

Anyway, I thought you were beginning to lose your marbles a few years ago but now I know the bag is empty. I certainly will not let any review of yours sway me into seeing or not seeing a movie in the future (not that I paid attention to you now). It's too bad you couldn't feel the comfort between these two men as I and many other movie goers have. You missed the whole point of the movie.

Yoga From Hell
8:45pm

A while back I wrote about how my New Year's resolution was to go to 2 yoga classes a week. As a grad student I do a lot of sitting on my ass and I just need some gentle stretches to keep my body happy. Well, I've actually been sticking to it but today almost made me break my resolution. Nick and I both went to the gym for a 1pm class (his first class). Today's instructor was not the willowy middle aged woman type that I've had in the past. He was a stocky short gay man with a Buddha belly. OK, whatever. He must know more yoga than I or he wouldn't be teaching a class, right? Well, I started having a bad feeling when he put on some international disco music you'd hear on a Carnival Cruise or at Club Med instead of some slow Indian-inspired music that I'm used to. Hmmm...what have I gotten myself into? Then he had us start standing up, instead of lying down or sitting, which was Nick's first clue that we might be in for something ...special.

"Volcano pose (bring arms over head) on inhale, mountain pose (bring arms down) on exhale." OK, I can do that.

"Volcano pose on inhale, mountain pose on exhale." Uh huh. I'm with ya.

"Volcano in, mountain exhale." So far, so good.

"Volcano, in...hands to the ground, downward dog, staff, plank, cobra, downward dog, right lunge, downward dog, up to volcano, down to mountain." WHAT??? Wait! I'm still trying to get my hands down to the ground! Holy shit!

And it kept going like that...over and over again. Within the first 10 minutes the instructor had sweat dripping from his face. While we were doing our calisthenics, the instructor took time to put on those fingerless gloves you see weight lifters use as well as a similar version for his feet! I'd never seen little yoga feet-traction footie things! This guy was serious!

I kept thinking, what is this guy doing? This is a Yoga I class. How does he expect any beginners to know what to do!?!?! Finally, 40 minutes into the class, I spoke up and asked if this wa s a yoga I or yoga II class. He replied, "2." Ahhhh! That's my problem! I'm in the wrong fricken class! And let me tell you, this was the most limber short stocky man I've EVER seen. I mean, it was unnatural the poses he could twist himself into. It was just amazing! This dude was one freak of nature.

After an hour of this torture, he was still going, albeit he had started to slow down. We finally started to do the types of stretched I had come to do but I was exhausted! I felt like I'd been beaten up then run over by an SUV. I mean really. I was done. Stick a fork in me.

It was the longest, most painful yoga class of my life. I know I'm going to be feeling it tomorrow! You can be sure I'm never going to make the mistake of attending a Yoga II class again.

Best New Euphemism
7:40pm

I've been in training the past two days learning a new therapy technique. In the process I learned a great new word: Bibliotherapy. Bibliotherapy basically means reading a self-help book but sure sounds snazzier than that, doesn't it? I can imagine if you wanted to get an article published about your latest research and all you did was give someone a self-help book (that you didn't even necessarily write yourself), you'd want to make it sound more scientific and voilà! Bibliotherapy is born.

Entertainment Train Wreck
10:03pm

On the one hand, I really don't care about celebrities' lives. Who cares if Matthew Perry is in rehab again? I mean, how does that affect me? On the other hand, it's just like a train wreck. I don't want to look at the carnage, but I can't help but be mesmerized by the pile of twisted metal. That pretty much sums up how I feel about Angelina Jolie having Brad Pitt's baby. I mean, we all know she's a nutcase and he's not aging well so why should I care if they are having a baby? I'm embarrassed to say it but when I heard the news, I couldn't help gasping in train wreck fashion. "OMG! She's pregnant? By whom? Brad??? No WAY!" Then the second gasp, "OMG! I care? No way!" Luckily once I assimilated the knowledge, which took about 30 seconds, I no longer cared at all. "Oh please just leave them alone. I don't want more information. I don't want to see her pregnant. I don't want to see what fricken crib sheets she buys, and I certainly don't want to know how often she's sick and if Brad holds her hair as she prays to the porcelain God."

Thank goodness I desensitize to such entertainment train wrecks quickly. I wish the rest of the world did as well.

In Case You Care About It...
5:00pm

You have only a few hours to nominate your favorite blog for the 2006 Bloggie Awards. Nominations close at 10pm eastern (8 in my time zone). Go show a little love. Go nominate your favorite blogs.

This Sort of Thing Really Cheeses Me Off
12:45am

Which would you rather watch? Which would you rather have your child watch? A movie rated R for:

brutal scenes of torture and violence, strong sexual content, language and drug use

or for:

sexuality, nudity, language and some violence

I personally would much rather watch the second one as violence really freaks me out. Why the hell would I pay good money to watch BRUTAL scenes of torture and violence? Is that really entertaining? (And if we want to get political, the damn press isn't even allowed to show a coffin coming back from Iraq.) I mean, what is so objectable to watching "sexuality"?

Well, if you live in Sandy Utah, you wouldn't have the choice to watch the second one but the first one runs 'round the clock. It would seem that torture and violence is acceptable but sexuality is not. Have you guessed yet what movies I'm talking about? The top movie is Hostel and the lower one is Brokeback Mountain. The owner of the Megaplex Jordan Commons (Larry Miller, of Utah Jazz fame) decided last minute to yank Brokeback Mountain, posting a simple printed sign at the ticket counter that stated, "There has been a change in booking and we will not be showing 'Brokeback Mountain.' We apologize for any inconvenience."This message would indicate that the movie was advertised in the newspaper as showing at that theater and that the film was probably on the premises. Hmmm... OK, so homosexuality ranks below torture and violence as acceptable movie themes? You have GOT to be kidding me. I don't have kids, but if I did, I'd much rather have them watch two people in love regardless of gender than torture and violence. Seriously, what is going on with this country? I really can't figure it out. I can understand that people may not approve of homosexuality and think it is a sin, but I can't imagine this same minority would approve of the things that go on in Hostel! I would hope torture is also a sin to these people.

There are many ways to look at this issue: monetarily, morally, or artistically to name a few. Artistically, it pisses me off that someone else is making a choice over what art I can experience. Let me decide what art I find offensive and what art I find beautiful. Let me make my own decision about this movie. By banning it, it only makes me want to see it all the more. It must be good to get you so riled up.

OK, as this is America, I guess you have a choice as to how to make your money and I bet you made a boatload with the torture movie. I hope you can sleep at night with that.

Those Silly Brits!
6:32pm

Apparently the Brits are still crazy for Big Brother and this time around they've stuffed the house with "celebrities" including a couple from the States. First up, we have Traci Bingham, previously seen on Game Show Network's Poker Royale and Baywatch. Meh. Next!

Dennis "The Worm" Rodman is actually living in the UK Big Brother house! Could you imagine living with this guy? Last time I saw him, he was storming BRAVO's Celebrity Poker set (what's with the damn celebrity Poker?) after a call was made that he didn't agree with. Don't worry, he came back when he remembered it was for charity but then constantly made bad play after another until he was eliminated. Anyway, he comes across as a really wild guy and I don't mean in a good way. I think I'd be a little apprehensive to have him in my house. Rumor has it he's already slept with one other member of the house and it's only day 5! Do you think they got an extra long bed for his 6'7" bod? Last I heard about Dennis is that he was thinking of making a comeback...however I was thinking basketball, not reality TV star.

Who Says We Don't Have Fun in Albuquerque?
7:55am

This past Friday the American Dialect Society met in Albuquerque to pick the 2005 Word of the Year. Before I proceed, I must tell you that I'm a bit sleep deprived (damn insomnia) and I find some of these words or phrases just hilarious. If you don't find them as funny, please forgive my altered state.

There are, apparently, many categories when one picks the Word of the Year. My favorite phrase actually won Least Likely to Succeed and that phrase is "pope squatting": registering a domain name that is the same of a new pope before the pope chooses his new name in order to profit from it. Pope squatting. The visual on that one just screams in my head and I gotta say, it's it's one funny visual in my head. I mean, who's the least likely person to ever be squatted on?

The winner for Most Euphemistic is a sad example of what the Bush administration has become. It is "internal nutrition": force-feeding a prisoner against his or her will. For me, this administration has more terms for hiding their dirty little secrets than we will ever uncover. Another nominee in this category is "extraordinary rendition": the surrendering of a suspect or detainee to another jurisdiction, especially overseas. For those of you who are, perhaps, not as imaginative as our current leaders, the reason you would want an extraordinary rendition is to move a detainee to a country that has ummm...OK, I'll just say it...to move a detainee to a country in which there are no laws against torture.

I have to admit, the Most Outrageous winner also makes me chuckle. It is "crotchfruit": a child; children; which is obviously different than crotch cricket (pubic lice) -- at least I hope so! I think what is so amusing to me about this is just that the word "crotch" is funny. Pair it with anything and I'm likely to laugh at it. My personal honorable mention in this category goes to "Ex-Lax option": nuclear option; immediate withdrawal of troops from Iraq.

Most Creative winner goes to "whale tail": the appearance of thong or g-string underwear above the waistband of pants, shorts, or a skirt. What I'm not sure of is if it's cool to have a whale tail or if you're supposed to be embarrassed by it. Back in my day (said in an crotchety old man's voice), we were mortified if a bra strap showed. We've come a long way from that, hence my confusion. One thing I'm certain about is that I would be mortified by another nominee, muffin top: the bulge of flesh hanging over the top of low-rider jeans. This is an example of when being fashionable by wearing low-rider jeans is not appropriate or attractive and why I don't wear low-rider jeans. Thankfully, high-waist jeans are coming back in style. No, really! Call them soccer-mom pants if you want, I call them covering my fat.

The Most Useful word goes to Podcast. If you don't know what that is, I'm surprised you have a computer at all! My Honorable Mention award goes to "patent troll": a person or business, especially a lawyer, who applies for or owns a patent with no intention of developing the product but with every intention of launching lawsuits against patent infringers. Or, as I like to call them, an asshole.

A great nominee for Word of the Year is "brown-out": the poor handling of an emergency. Brownie may not have held his job for long, but (unfortunately for him) he will live in infamy! And the winner of Word of the Year also owes its new-found fame to the Bush administration--"truthiness": the quality of stating concepts or facts one wishes or believes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true. Enough said.

Past winners include: phish, badly sourced (false), metrosexual, pre-emptive self-defense, tomacco (thanks Simpsons!), freegan (someone who only eats free food), blog, google (verb), neuticles, regime change, chad, dot-bomb and wall humping (rubbing a thigh against a security card scanner to allow access without removing the card from one's pocket).

Sexual What?
10:36pm

Apparently, Gene Shalit of the Today Show called Jake Gyllenhaal's character in Brokeback Mountain, Jack, a "sexual predator" who "tracks Ennis down and coaxes him into sporadic trysts" in his review of the movie that aired yesterday morning. Hmmm...now, I haven't seen the movie, but I sure haven't heard that sort of characterization from any other reviews and that certainly is not how the relationship is portrayed in the preview. Another interesting piece of information in this story is the fact that Mr. Shalit has an openly gay son. So, I have two questions:

1) If you have seen the movie, did you at any time feel that Jack was a sexual predator or a stalker?

2) If Gene Shalit were comfortable with his own son's sexuality, would have used the same words in his review?

Obviously, GLAAD is pretty pissed off by Shalit's words. They have video of the review on their site if you want to check it out for yourself.

I hope they (NBC) allow Horatio Sanz to rip on this one, as he does a wonderful impersonation of the idiot. Even more, I hope they realize that Shalit has long ago become irrelevant and a parody of himself.

Answers to Important Questions
12:45pm

Well, no one guessed which movies from last year were my favorites based on the quotes listed on Sunday so I guess I have to tell you.

1) Closer

2) Crash

3) Serenity

Points to Betty and Ratty for at least recognizing the Serenity quote.

You've Come A Long Way Jon
9:37pm

In less than 10 years, Jon Stewart went from a man with 2 failed talk shows--on MTV and CBS (the one on CBS lasted 2 weeks I think)--to hosting the Oscars! Commented Stewart, "As a performer, I'm truly honored to be hosting the show. ... Although, as an avid watcher of the Oscars, I can't help but be a little disappointed with the choice. It appears to be another sad attempt to smoke out Billy Crystal."

Stewart is such a clever, witty man, I personally would vote for him for president. Too bad he's too smart to run.

Good News!
8:02pm

I forgot to mention that I saw on 2 different web sites today that Futurama is on the verge of coming back on the air with new episodes! The following is from tvguide.com:

Variety is reporting that 20th Century Fox TV is in early discussions to go back into production with Futurama, the Emmy-winning animated series that ran on Fox from March 1999 to August 2003, giving it a Family Guy-style resuscitation. Based on the misadventures of Fry, Leela and Bender, Futurama is set in the year 3000, at which time Lindsay Lohan will have stopped making "news."

Woohoo!!!!! I can't wait!

Catching Up
7:18pm

Spent a week in Utah with the in-laws. That's always interesting. Got home Monday. It's soooo nice to be in my own bed with my kittens around me. I saw it snow for a little bit. Not much tho.

I've completely fallen in to the vacation mode. I'm trying to get something done every day but if I don't, there's always tomorrow.

My task for today is to try to clean out my in-box. Is it bad to have 728 message in your in-box? That's actually after I spent 30 minutes cleaning it out. Got a bit left to do I guess.

I've decided if I were rich, I'd buy the naming rights to whatever the arena is called in which the Celtics play and rename it the Boston Garden. Then I'd buy naming rights to all the bowl games and get rid of the fucking Outback Bowl, Tostitos Bowl and Meineke Car Care Bowl and rename them whatever they used to be or give them at least a more dignified name. I'm so sick of advertising I can't even tell you. We went to a movie in Salt Lake and the moment we stepped into the theater there was a large screen with a fucking ad on it. Then there was a poster on the wall regarding something like "nothing's better than a movie and botox" I swear to God. Plastic surgery seems like a booming business in Utah. I can't really figure out why.

I don't normally announce my New Year's resolutions. I find that I tend to keep them longer if I don't tell anyone but this year I thought I'd actually tell everyone in an effort to make me keep the resolution. My resolution is to go to yoga class 2X a week. Yoga makes me feel better after I do it but I find it really BORING! So, like other things in my life that t I make myself do that I don't like (dare I say hate?) (cough*therapy*cough) I am going to do yoga to make myself feel better and stay healthy.

So, that's the news from here. BTW, I can't believe no one has named the movies from which the quotes below were pulled. Very lame.

Guess the Film
1:06pm

I saw the fewest movies in years last year (damn grad school)--only 27 in the theater--and thought I'd share with you what I thought were the best films. However, that just seemed too easy. So instead I'm going to post quotes form my favorite movies of 2005. See if you can figure out which movies the quotes come from.

"Thank you. My name is still plain Jane."

"If anybody should be scared, it's us: the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the triggerhappy LAPD. So, why aren't we scared?"

"Mal. That guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that?"

Blog Name: The Soap Box
Email: jenben[at]g-r-c.com
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